"It's my birthday today," Tolga told me two days ago. I ignored him because we were in the middle of several things with the kids, and I meant to bring it back up, but I didn't remember again until today.
Tolga was born on Christmas day, but Turkey is a bit flexible when it comes to birthdates. I think his mother's actual birthdate is 2 years younger then her birth certificate, his dad's is written 6-7 months after his actual birthdate. So, Tolga's parents were quite expedient when they recorded his birthdate as January 10th - they fudged those two weeks because 18 years later he would be able to delay his compulsory military service one more year.
When I first learned about these discrepancies I was quite taken aback. I mean, it sounded so fraudulent. I could picture us in the green card interview:
"When's your husband's birthday?"
"His real one or his fake one?
Multiculturalism has been the buzzword for the past 10 or more years, but it seems no one considers the consequences of this. And, I can't really imagine U.S. government officials as tolerant of this cultural difference.
It's funny, because my attitude has changed about the sanctity of birthdates. Of course they are important, but making your way down to the government offices to register your newborn baby - it's all in your own hands, and putting whatever date is/was convenient doesn't seem as shocking as it first was to me.
"It was your birthday the other day, I meant to wish you a happy birthday." We were driving together. I had picked him up from work, and we had stopped at the mall to get a new hard drive (or two or three) for me, a new humidifier for the kids (the old one was possibly making them more sick), and some meat so I could make some good ole American hamburgers.
"I wanted to celebrate your birthday, just for fun. Get another present for you, or a another cake, or go out. Wouldn't that be fun?"
"Yeah, that would be fun."
"But Teoman might be confused, and more jealous - he'll want two birthdays too. Maybe we could make your second birthday just for us.
"Yeah, a secret celebration." We both were smiling at the thought.
"Did anyone at your work celebrate your fake birthday?"
"No, I told them December 25th is my real birthday and that's when we celebrated it. Everyone who knows me celebrates it on the 25th."
It's true - and everyone who doesn't know Tolga: the government, his passport, his national ID card, his school records, anyone he pays bills to - they all wish, or don't wish him a happy birthday on January 10th.
So we decided that we will too. We will make a point each year to celebrate just the two of us - another special tradition starting....now.
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