The end

My blogging days are done.

saturday

I went to bed early.  I was exhausted.  School has started and everyday I'm feeling stressed exhausted.  Work is hanging over me.  Work and frustration.  And then there's my kids.  Needing my full attention - and I can't do my work.  Nor can I escape my house to do it.  Nor do I want to.  So I delay. I resent my work.  And I get frustrated with my kids.  They seemed to fight all morning.  We made french toast, then I packed us all into the car with a stroller, skateboard, and bike.  We went to the park and played for couple of hours but the fighting, crying continued.
Are they as tired as me?
We went home and Tuana slept.  Teoman and Tomris played quietly some but it took HOURS for them to cleanup - I had promised them cookies, but there was no butter.  I offered popcorn as back up - but went to he cupboards and found the popcorn all gone.  Every. Last. Kernel. That's living with Gokhan.  I've nicknamed him The Finisher, because that's what he does.  Finishes things and doesn't replace them because "I forgot."  He lived by himself most of the summer and put on at least 20 pounds with all that freedom he had - with no one to hold him accountable, no one to answer to, no one's health to look after - he was free.  But freedom to Gokhan meant fried eggs in butter with potatoes, french fries, popcorn, and sunflower seeds.  Butter and salt.

I'm the quasi-leader

B sits through these meetings looking mildly annoyed.
That was the comment from my British colleague and I thought it was an understatement.  I had stayed up late preparing for the meeting with my team today - hoping to lay out what we were doing over the next week-and-a-half.  

First we went over the exam to finalize.  Tim and Tatiana seemed like they had no idea what was going on.  B had her head in her computer doing something else.  At one point I said,
"I need someone to answer me, give a response, nod a head, agree or disagree."
Young Brooke stepped in.  She worked with us last year and seems to be on top of things.

We ended the meeting barely getting through the exam, and I still had four more things on the agenda.  Everyone left and B said "we didn't talk about my spreadsheet."
We didn't talk about a lot of things.
B's spreadsheet is five linked pages with 8 major grades that have tabs to those each link of smaller grades that feed into it.  There are spaces to fill in over a hundred marks - and they will be individual and have to be searched for because our reading groups are mixed classes.  Her spreadsheet is horrifying.
"Um.. I was hoping we could lessen the number of marks to like, four.  One a week for the first unit."
"Then I will have to change EVERYTHING I planned."
"Yes, I noticed you put some things on the Drive, they were amazing - is this what you're planning on doing."
"Yes, with my group, because I have the higher group.  You might do something different with your group."

Like only four marks rather than a kajillion.  The woman is crazy and pulling me into her crazy.  I am supposed to be running this side show, but it was her baby, and she is running the whole middle school English program now ... but she seems to have plans in place for us already.   Which, I wouldn't mind - but the whole reason I stepped in was to avoid this "secret or surprise" methodology of hers.  Surprise!  I plan on giving a hundred marks this semester.

I'm so ready to quit

Another First Day

It was the kids first day of school today.  Teoman was up at 5:50am and dressed.  He woke up Tomris, and by 6:45 they had their backpacks on and were ready to go.  Tuana did too.  We went downstairs and waited for abla to arrive.  Zuleyha came and the kids all got in Tolga's truck.  Even Tuana - so when Tolga handed her back through the window, Tuana was shocked, and then cried.
We never leave her behind - it made me wish we had a fourth child so she wouldn't be alone.

Tolga brought Tomris up to the pre-school, I brought Teoman down to the kindergarten.  They were starting at the same time.  All the parents and eager children.  Teoman and Tomris were excited enough that they didn't have any panic attacks or crying fits - in fact, Tomris, who I was a little worried about happened to be in class with a new friend we made at the end of last year, Ruth.  An American family that has lived here for years.

Tolga left to the field from there.  I went to teach my classes.  I taught reading class, did some paperwork and then I was already back up to the pre-school then kindergarten picking up my kids and blisters on my toes from all the walking.  They have half-days scheduled today and tomorrow so I had planned to keep them with me.  It would have taken me at least an hour to drive them home and get back, and I had this idea that I might get work done.

I can't get any work done with my kids around.  I can't do both these days, be a good mom and a teacher.  If feels like either/or.

But they had a good day.  They were excited, and they liked hanging out with me and each other.  They wondered in the front of the room distracting my students while I tried to teach.

Tomris fell asleep in the car ride home.  I stayed up late to prepare for a meeting the next day.

First Day

I can't say I love the the first day.

I spent a lot of the day shirking my responsibilities of talking about Learner Profiles and doing ice-breakers to straighten out our reading group lists with the registrar.  With last minutes changes is students coming and going I had to shuffle a few students - a still stubbornly didn't change the one student whose mother wanted her to change.

By the end of the day I had a headache.  By after dinner, I had a migraine.

Way too much excitement for the day.

the day before

My first day back at work was not so inspiring.  I met with my English writing team briefly, then a teacher-parent who wanted special treatment for her daughter.  That took a few hours.  I don't actually mind these type of parents - I can see myself in them.  But B, my colleague (I'm giving her a name now, but she's going to be a character in many scenes... sigh), didn't want to give her what she wanted on principle.  I didn't argue it too much, because she was probably right - we didn't really want to open that can of worms.  I argued for the parent, but I didn't push it - then we got input form the counselor and the principal - and they didn't want to give the parent what she wanted.  The parent wanted us to retest her daughter because the teacher was unfair and mean, the daughter was demotivated, she wanted the year to start better for her.
B wanted to reassess all the students because it seemed we didn't have valid data.
Oh god.

At home I was exhausted.  I was putting Tuana down and Tomris came running into the room:

"Mom, I heard Jesus in my belly- I mean my heart!"
"Yeah? What did he say?"
"He said ... Today is a beautiful day. And, geçmis olsun for my head."

Recovery

We had come back a day early on purpose - in hopes to avoid traffic, rest, and get ready for school.  I had lots to prepare yet - and the thought was overwhelming.  Tolga took the kids to the mall, Teoman got a haircut.  I took Tuana outside - she apparently is used to going places daily and had her shoes on at 8am.  I took her to the park, we had lunch, I put her to sleep, unpacked, did laundry.  Basically found whatever I could to not do my work.

Summer is over, and I'm definitely not ready to begin.

back to Ankara

We planned on leaving at 5am, and we were on the road at 5:45am.  In the nighttime - the kids were so tired - Teoman got up and went to the bathroom.  Tomris got up at the same time, and I followed to check on him.  He was standing at the toilet peeing, and behind him was a big poop.
Had he pooped standing up?
I'm not sure if he was aware he pooped.  I cleaned him and it up.  Tomris went to the toilet and we were all back in bed.
We went past Izmir, through the new tunnel - the road is being improved every year  especially with tunnels replacing windy roads.  We stopped at a gas station after two hours so Tolga could rest.  Except, the moment he stopped, all the kids woke up.  I entertained them for about ten minutes, and the kids wanted to get out.  I didn't blame them.  However, as soon as we started unloading them, Tolga woke up.
We stopped two hours later for a late breakfast, than three hours later for lunch and run around the McDonald's play are - or as Teoman and Tomris call it: Old MacDonald's.  From there, it was 3 1/2 hours home, and we didn't need to stop again.  It can't be comfortable for the kids to be squished into the car seats, but they do pretty well.  We arrived at 5:30pm, all exhausted.  I had brought lots of work to do in the car trip to get ready for work, but I just couldn't keep my eyes open most of the trip.  We were all exhausted.

Last day until spring

It's our last day in Kusadasi, and we most likely won't return until spring.  I long hard but wonderful summer went by too slowly and too fast at the same time.  The kids and Tolga went to the beach, I put Tuana to sleep and cleaned the house some while she slept.  I finished and rewarded myself with a beer just as Tuana woke up and we went to beach together.
Man that beer put me in a good mood.
Our friends were at the beach celebrating too.  Their Ukranian friend was leaving today - so they had beers on the beach and were eating mussels.  I joined them and we kept trying to hide the beers from David - because their one-and-a-half year old has a taste for beer.

The sea was perfect.  Clean and clear.  My kids were playing in the big inflatable boat - Adults rowing it out, and them pushing it in the shallows.  They love that boat and were excited and crying easily as well - our vacation wits' end.

We visited our uncle whose house is on the beach front where we sit.  It's a ratty overpacked duplex, rusting with the sea.  We kissed his hand, wished him iyi bayramlar.

We headed home and my cousins prepared dinner.  My youngest cousin fried everything: meat, vegetables, potatoes with pasta on the side.  They don't eat healthy generally - but this was topping it all.   My cousin's husband said,
"I won't eat pasta without butter and salt."
Begum, my cousin's 25 year old daughter said, "You ate it like this a few days ago.
"No I didn't."
"Yes you did."
Awkward.
 Baba, as always, couldn't wait to eat and my diabetic father-in-law snacked on bread, french fries, ate pasta and drank cola.  My beach friends came later, and I joked with Maria's husband to tell Baba you came to check his blood sugar.  Baba tries to be good for the doctors.  Maria's kids and mine ran around in the garden.  They kept their visit short as our kids needed to go to bed.

Tomorrow we will leave early in the morning.

Kurban bayram

My kids have learned this holiday.

They were up early, dressed and down stairs, kissed everybody's hand (after waking everyone up) and each came up with money.  Tomris asked if she could drink chocolate milk.  I said no, she said, "But it's bayram."  So I agreed.

I went down and fed the kids.  They were in such a strange mood.  Sometimes Tuana tolerates everybody changing her, sometimes she hands her clothes to her sister or brother - she is determined to do what they do, and go where they go.  Downstairs they were laughing and running around and it was hardly 8am.

Teoman wanted to know if we got a toy or just clothes for bayram, and I told him we planned and getting them shoes for school - and the pestering to leave began and never stopped.  But we still had breakfast to eat with the adults, cleanup, and we weren't even sure when the shops opened on bayram.  

We arrived at Söke mall at 11am and learned the shops didn't open until 2:30.  Teoman was not happy.  We drove to Akbut - a village on the sea, drank tea, and drove to another place to have lunch on a lake before returning to the mall.  I got sneakers, Teoman and Tomris got sneakers each (two sizes larger!) and indoor shoes.  I don't know if they do this in America - but indoor and outdoor shoes is a thing here.

At home Teoman wanted to go for a run to test his shoes out.  He didn't want character shoes this time - he wanted sport shoes.  He actually wanted a hiking boot - but we made him get the same version in a shoe form so he could run faster.  We ran to the beach and back - me running lightly, Teoman clomping heavily and unevenly.

In the end Tomris raced Teoman too.  The road is made up of pavers that are very uneven - and I had kept warning Teoman to be careful.  Tomris was wearing a dress - but had kept some pants on claiming she might fall and wanted to protect her knees.  (They both had their first skinned knees this summer - I think their first - and cried loudly and nonstop).  The raced to our gate and in the last moment of running and jumping Tomris tripped and banged her head against the open iron gate.  The gate gave way some, but it didn't stop her from earning an instant goose egg on her forehead.  It split slightly, but superficial as far as I could tell - just and intimidating bump.  Teoman came over to her and said, "whoa" and took a step back when he saw it.