working and playing and eating together

The kids slept late, didn't nap and went to bed late.  I'm not sure how long we can keep this pace up.  Zuleyha is helping me all along the way - even at night time now.  Hakan's wife came with her two boys - Batuhan and Bartu.  Batuhan, Teoman and Tomris love to play together, like most cousins do - and play intently, fight, and cry when it's all over.  This summer home is a full house too.

teamwork

waffle picnic

triple trouble

other family

The Pazans, McDonalds, Jones, Peixotos, Orbes, Balsamos... these are just a few of my families.  I have been a part of many families in my life  - particularly in New Jersey.  Families that took me in as one of their own, families that I lived with, families of friends, families that took me in on holidays or over for dinner.  Young families and grown families where I got to know their children, brothers, aunts, grandparents and cousins.  I love family, and it felt natural to join other families.  Sometimes I wished I could share my family with these people - but my family was in another state - thus the reason I had joined other families - and I became this person all on my own without using my family as my identity.  I was just Rachel - from Glen Rock, or Minnesota, or the nanny, or what not.  They opened their doors, and I immersed myself in these families, in these communities.

The Doty's were from my church. The father worked in finance in New York, and was a steady good-natured father who reminded me a little of my own.  The mother played the flute at church as part of the music.  I knew their grandmothers.  Their four children were between six and eleven years younger than me.  Their oldest son was charismatic and flighty.  I later knew his girlfriend and her sister, and her parents.

Brian, their third child has graduated university, worked in New York, and then took off for the past two years traveling the world.  He was the quiet thoughtful Doty - under the shadow of his brother - and I always had a soft spot for him (I knew the feeling - being totally different than the attention grabbing sibling!).

Well, he has been promising to make time to see us, and I've been hounding him along his travels to "swing by" Turkey.  And here he is - having spent about a month in Turkey - I got one too short evening with a Doty.  I had a zillion questions for him - but my mental status was being pulled in too many directions to ask him deep meaningful questions - or even the surface one that's on everybody's mind: how much money do you have for this trip!?!  I wanted to know the best places, the worst places, his best moments, his worst, what he learned, when he stop, what he'll do next.  We talked some of these things, and he asked me about life in Turkey - and I didn't really have any well formed answers for myself.

So, I simply took some pics, and posted them for the family to be bit jealous of ...

Walking out on the pier with the kids, Brian's current travel friend, another Rachael.  Anne said "canim benim" to her (my heart) and I translated this for her and Rachael blushed with pleasure.  It was so sweet, and I remembered how I first felt when I moved here and realize Anne was showering me in these phrases - it is cultural and done as a part of speech - but you still can't help feeling really special.

They stayed for dinner (where we served breakfast things), and dessert - I made apple crisp and strawberry pie

caring for those in Kusadasi

Zuleyha is amazing.  Did I mention that?  As my sister stated flatly:

"Yeah, you mentioned that."  (To which I was very tempted to give a bit of her own medicine back, "Jealous?")

But it's not just the kids she's helping with (and the food and the cleaning and the grocery shopping), it's Anne and Baba too.  Anne is even getting a bit lazy - which is nice to see - because the problem with Anne is she's really helpful, until she's not.  She will play with the kids, cook, or clean - maybe push herself too hard, and then maybe I won't see her get up one morning, or one evening because something is berbat - horrible - her favorite word in Kusadasi.  "My back is horrible" or "My head is spinning horribly" or "My head/stomach/knee is horrible".

And as I've said before, I don't know what to do with her ailments - because once she's down, my workload triples.  This morning, Anne kept checking her blood pressure because she felt dizzy.  These kind of symptoms freak me out, except that she is so in love with her blood pressure machine, I'm not so sure whether she actually has a heart issue, or if its her obsession with the machine.  She pushes herself too much and doesn't seem to know how to stop unless her blood pressure machine tells her too.

The temperature has only been getting up to the low seventies for the past few days.  Anne hasn't been dressing properly.  Whereas Baba overdresses with a winter cap, gloves and sweater - Anne put on a long sleeve dress.  It was a cold morning and Zuleyha pushed her to change into a track suit.  Anne tends to wear the same cycle of clothing and packs her other clothes away and forgets about them - but she eventually found a blue track suit that I had bought for her four years ago.  She put it on and complained of being cold still.

"You must be sick then," Zuleyha said.  I shook my head,

"What are you wearing under the jacket?"  Anne shook her head to indicate nothing.  I knew this - she never wears a shirt under her light track suit, in fact - she rarely layers clothes, or adjusts with the temperature.  She'll sweat in a coat or freeze in her dress.  I pointed out that Zuleyha had three layers on and so did I - that's why we weren't cold and she was.

 Baba decided to go into town.  Anne helped him up the stairs, and struggled behind him - and pulled out a change of clothes for him and followed him back down with a pained look on her face.  She saw me watching her and said,

"What can I do?"

"About what?"

"Rahmi wants to go to town."

You could not help him change into his going-into-town-clothes.  But she did, and she always does - complaining the whole time - it's her habit, to do everything for Baba - serve him food, bring him medicines, change or wash his clothes, bring him water, fetch something for him - sometimes she does it happily, sometimes she does with great complaint - but she rarely says no.

"Should he not go into town?"  I suppose she was worried about him.

"He won't listen to me."

"You should go with him taze," Zuleyha said.  I think that's the last thing Anne wanted to do.  I think she preferred complaining about him.  She made a face at Baba and yelled,

"Should I come with you?"  Baba didn't hear or understand, so she repeated with less patience and more resentment.  Baba looked surprised at the offer.  I don't blame him.  She doesn't like leaving the house - and has never offered to assist him rather than complain.  He probably  didn't even understand she was offering to help him.  He shook his head, saying he would be fine.  For some reason, Anne repeated her question,

"Should I go upstairs and change my clothes to come with you?"  She had to repeat herself again.

"Why?" he said.  

"Fine!  I won't go!" She said.  And then again, "Should I change and come?" And now Baba was irritated that she was yelling and repeating the offer so angrily.

"Why do you keep saying that?"

"Fine, I'm not going!  Off - he doesn't listen to me!"

Zuleyha told her to get some rest, and so she did.  But then again this evening, I was trimming the bushes in the garden and she came out and started putting the trimmings I had raked into the wheelbarrow and rolling it over to the brush pile.  I told her not to, that I'd get it - and she told me I couldn't because of my back.  I don't know why she does this - because she's been holding her back since we got here - maybe she wants me to say,

"No, but your back is worse!" but instead, I said,

"My back is fine, I have no pain - I can do it."  But Anne continued to carry the brush - just three loads, and not so heavy - but enough to giver her reason to go to bed early tonight because of back pain.  

Tolga says I should manage her - that she's been managed her whole life and it's what she's used too.  I think she prefers it, almost as if she needs permission to sit down and rest, or as if she is doing things to seek acknowledgement of her ailments.  But it's hard for me to play along - I need Anne to manage herself.  To rest when she's tired, to not pick up heavy things, to help Baba or not - I need her to make logical and responsible decisions.  But I can't count on her, and I don't know what to do with her.  I am reluctant to tell her - don't pick that up, or sit down - because when she dismisses me, I'm even less likely to argue with her about it.  

Zuleyha is less invested, or more used to it - and she quite simply said,

"Go to bed taze, rest and don't get up tomorrow."

Zuleyha steps in again.  

Babanne and Tuana

why can't she self regulate?

Zuleyha is amazing.  Did I mention that?  As my sister stated flatly:

"Yeah, you mentioned that."  (To which I was very tempted to give a bit of her own medicine back, "Jealous?")

But it's not just the kids she's helping with (and the food and the cleaning and the grocery shopping), it's Anne and Baba too.  Anne is even getting a bit lazy - which is nice to see - because the problem with Anne is she's really helpful, until she's not.  She will play with the kids, cook, or clean - maybe push herself too hard, and then maybe I won't see her get up one morning, or one evening because something is beret - horrible - her favorite word in Kusadasi.  "My back is horrible" or "My head is spinning horribly" or "My head/stomach/knee is horrible".

And as I've said before, I don't know what to do with her ailments - because once she's down, my workload triples.  This morning, Anne kept checking her blood pressure because she felt dizzy.  These kind of symptoms freak me out, except that she is so in love with her blood pressure machine, I'm not so sure.  She pushes herself to much and doesn't seem to know how to stop unless her blood pressure machine tells her too.

It's been only getting up to the low seventies for the past few days.  Anne hasn't been dressing properly.  Whereas Baba overdresses with a winter cap, gloves and sweater - Anne put on a long sleeve dress.  It was a cold morning and Zuleyha pushed her to change into a track suit.  Anne tends to wear the same cycle of clothing and packs her other clothes away and forgets about them - but she eventually found a blue track suit that I had bought for her four years ago.  She put it on and complained of being cold still.

"You must be sick then," Zuleyha said.  I shook my head,

"What are you wearing under the jacket?"  Anne shook her head to indicate nothing.  I knew this - she never wears a shirt under her light track suit, in fact - she rarely layers clothes, or adjusts with the temperature.  She'll sweat in a coat or freeze in her dress.  I pointed out to them both that Zuleyha had three layers on and so did I - that' why we weren't cold and she was.

 Baba decided to go into town.  Anne helped him up the stairs, and struggled behind him - and pulled out a change of clothes for him and followed him back down with a pained look on her face.  She saw me watching her and said,

"What can I do?"

"About what?"

"Rahmi wants to go to town."

You could not help him change into his going-into-town-clothes.  But she did, and she always does - complaining the whole time - it's her habit, to do everything for Baba - serve him food, bring him medicines, change or wash his clothes, bring him water, fetch something for him - sometimes she does it happily, sometimes she does with great complaint - but she rarely says no.

"Should he not go into town?"  I suppose she was worried about him.

"He won't listen to me."

"You should go with him taze," Zuleyha said.  I think that's the last thing Anne wanted to do.  I think she preferred complaining about him.  She made a face at Baba and yelled,

"Should I come with you?"  Baba didn't hear or understand, so she repeated with less patience and more resentment.  Baba looked surprised at the offer.  I don't blame him.  She doesn't like leaving the house - and has never offered to assist him rather than complain.  He probably  didn't even understand she was offering to help him.  He shook his head, saying he would be fine.  For some reason, Anne repeated her question,

"Should I go upstairs and change my clothes to come with you?"  She had to repeat herself again.

"Why?" he said.  

"Fine!  I won't go!" She said.  And then again, "Should I change and come?" And now Baba was irritated that she was yelling and repeating the offer so angrily.

"Why do you keep saying that?"

"Fine, I'm not going!  Off - he doesn't listen to me!"

Zuleyha told her to get some rest, and so she did.  But then again this evening, I was trimming the bushes in the garden and she came out and started putting the trimmings I had raked into the wheelbarrow and rolling it over to the brush pile.  I told her not to, that I'd get it - and she told me I couldn't because of my back.  I don't know why she does this - because she's been holding her back since we got here - maybe she wants me to say,

"No, but your back is worse!" but instead, I said,

"My back is fine, I have no pain - I can do it."  But Anne continued to carry the brush - just three loads, and not so heavy - but enough to giver her reason to go to bed early tonight because of back pain.  

Tolga says I should manage her - that she's been managed her whole life and it's what she's used too.  I think she prefers it, almost as if she needs permission to sit down and rest, or as if she is doing things to seek acknowledgement of her ailments.  But it's hard for me to play along - I need Anne to manage herself.  To rest when she's tired, to not pick up heavy things, to help Baba or not - I need her to make logical and responsible decisions.  But I can't count on her, and I don't know what to do with her.  I am reluctant to tell her - don't pick that up, or sit down - because when she dismisses me, I'm even less likely to argue with her about it.  

Zuleyha is less invested, or more used to it - and she quite simply said,

"Go to bed taze, rest and don't get up tomorrow."

Zuleyha is amazing.  Did I mention that?  As my sister stated flatly:

"Yeah, you mentioned that."  (To which I was very tempted to give a bit of her own medicine back, "Jealous?")

But it's not just the kids she's helping with (and the food and the cleaning and the grocery shopping), it's Anne and Baba too.  Anne is even getting a bit lazy - which is nice to see - because the problem with Anne is she's really helpful, until she's not.  She will play with the kids, cook, or clean - maybe push herself too hard, and then maybe I won't see her get up one morning, or one evening because something is beret - horrible - her favorite word in Kusadasi.  "My back is horrible" or "My head is spinning horribly" or "My head/stomach/knee is horrible".

And as I've said before, I don't know what to do with her ailments - because once she's down, my workload triples.  This morning, Anne kept checking her blood pressure because she felt dizzy.  These kind of symptoms freak me out, except that she is so in love with her blood pressure machine, I'm not so sure.  She pushes herself to much and doesn't seem to know how to stop unless her blood pressure machine tells her too.  

Until we all drop

I'm 11 weeks old today!

serenading at the top of their lungs

watering the garden

Gokhan got a call yesterday for a job.  I suppose it was a job offer - but it's hard to get excited for him because he seems to be always saying there is an interview or a potential or a job.  He went back to Ankara this morning by bus - it seems there may be two jobs about to start and offering him work, so, if he starts, the next thing to hope for is that they pay him, and that the job lasts.  

My 80s girl

Hakan and his family came over to see Gokhan off last night.  Batuhan, Teoman and Tomris ran around and around with Bartu and Tuana just watching.  They invited Teoman to spend the night and go to school with Batuhan the next day.  I said sure without a second thought.  I brought Teoman upstairs to explain to him what a sleepover was - but I think I lost him after the beginning half of my sentence.

"Teoman, you're invited to go home with Batuhan--"

"Okay!"

"You're going to spend the night there and go to school with him in the morning."

"Really?  Thanks mom!"

"Do you want to do that?  I won't be with you."

"Yeah!"

"You won't be scared?"

"No, I won't be scared!"

First they played

Then they brushed their teeth

They left together and Tomris first cried because she wanted to go too, then cried because she wanted her abi.  It was also late - so I bribed her with the promise of 10 minutes on the iPad (her favorite is going through the pictures) so they could all escape.  Tomris wanted to abla to put her to sleep - so I was kind of childless.  Until about 12:30 - with Yesim called me so Teoman could speak to me.  He didn't actually talk, it was me, Hakan and Yesim talking and Teoman whimpering and listening.  At 1:30am, I got a text from Yesim that Hakan was brining Teoman back home.  

then got out of bed to eat

My poor overtired boy.  I guess he's still a bit young for sleepovers.  (Although, I seem to remember Asher staying at our house at an even younger age).  

He didn't sleep late enough in the morning, and Yesim was back at 11am to bring him to Batuhan's school anyhow.  Zuleyha brought Tomris to the beach to distract her, and I joined them after nursing Tuana.  When I came across them both had stripped off their shoes and socks, rolled up their pants and were getting their feet wet.  Zuleyha was trying to get Tomris to walk along the edge of the water, and Tomris was trying to get Zuleyha to walk into the water.  She relented, and slowly their pants got wet and the choppy waters first soaked their legs, and eventually Tomris's shirt.  She just squealed with delight even though it was only 70 degrees with a cool breeze.  She came out and I stripped her clothes off - she thought that meant she could really go swimming and bravely went right back in.  We coaxed her out and she laid down on the wet sand which was surprisingly warmer than the air.  She had to go back in once more to get the sand off then Zuleyha and I stripped our extra layers off to wrap her up and put her in Tuana's stroller.  

Teoman and Batuhan showed up a bit later, and they all played once again.  It's been a busy day for them, and neither napped - so tonight was a struggle for patience with me - but with Zuleyha's help, everybody's now sleeping beautifully.  

pullin Abla into the sea

my brave girl

where I lived #1

From "What If" writing exercises: List in detail all the places you have lived - concrete grouping in time and place.  (There were a lot more suggestions, including starting a whole notebook on this topic - so I will continue the theme in other posts).

In honor of my cousin's birthday and my childhood friend.

From the age of two to sixteen we lived “in the country”.  I figured it meant dirt roads and far away neighbors - two things I resented.  Our street, 110th Street North named for function only (those Swedes), was a wide well-maintained gravel road that stretched about a mile between two paved county roads with houses set off the main road by long private driveways and hidden by disorganized patches of woods.  Our private drive was long and straight - connected three houses - with ours sitting in the middle, maybe 200 yards in.  My father had built this house with his brother, on a parcel of his parent’s land so that now he, one brother, two sisters and his mother all lived within a a mile radius - which was extremely close in country living.  Just ore’ the field.  

I never considered it true country because that was reserved for large farms with cattle or horses and grain bins.  Town was a ten minute drive, and most people who chose to live out here didn’t do it for farming reasons, but rather to have the luxury of space, nature, big houses, and hobby horses.  Not that we had any of that. 

Our two story house had gold paint and brown trim.  I guess that color was acceptable in the 70s and 80s.  There was a simple front porch with a wide living room window to the left of the front door and another wide window further from the right of the front door that looked onto the kitchen table.  The front had three second floor windows, and to the right a double door garage with a basketball hoop set up a half-foot short of regulation height.  A cement pad the width of the garage and the same length long served as parking space and basketball court, but the rest of the drive was gravel.  

Our kitchen had orange tile and dark brown cupboards, a wide front closet and a food pantry.  It was small and long.  The kitchen table looked out the front of our house, then kitchen sink looked out the back of house.  A door in the middle opened into the garage and used as our back door, and an entryway opposite the back door opened up into the dining room.  The dining table looked out a sliding glass door into the empty space where a deck was never built, into our sloping backyard.  The part nearest the house sloped quickly away and was terraced and retained by a rock wall my mother had worked on one summer.  Our backyard view was over our own land, a field, and a depression of brush and odd trees.

Opposite the table was a door down into a walkout basement that was half underground.  We huddled in the underground part during tornadoes.  My older brothers moved their bedrooms down here in junior high school.  The dining room fed into the living room and both were carpeted with a medium shaggy brown carpet.  Gross when I think of it now, but it was home and comfort for me then.  We had a couch, a sofa, a couple of end tables and an upright piano in that room.  The living room was on on the north side of the house, and my father had purposely not put a single window on the north side of the house because of Minnesota’s cold winters and ferocious wind chill.  (At this point, my dad might say - do your remember the winter the pipes froze and burst?) 

When you walked in our front door (which we rarely did, because we always came through the garage) you were met immediately with a staircase leading upstairs, lined with beige wall paper striped and floral and covered with horrid family and individual family photos.  From the entrance you could go up, left into the living room, or right through a jagged hallway that had  closet tucked in one corner and a half bath tucked in another, and ended in the dining room and the kitchen entrance.  So effectively, this hallway united the house into a circle that one could run through when being chased…

walks outside

my bright-eyed girl

look mama, I got you a flower!

When I cam down this morning I learned Anne had gone for a walk with Zuheyla.  I don’t know if Zuheyla talked her into it, or if Anne was excited to show her Kusadasi - but I was impressed.  Anne hates all forms of exercise because she confuses it’s effects with symptoms of a heart attack.  She says, “I’m sweating!” and “My hearts beating in my chest!”  I’ve tried to explain to her that sweating when you exercise is normal, just like when you do house work, and your heart pounding is a good thing - but she’s not convinced…and maybe a little lazy.  But when I saw her this morning, she had returned and showered - she was smiling and looked full of health and life.  She told me they walked so far with half-panicked voice (she hates walking far), and half excited voice.  The transformation in her from this morning (color, vigor, smiles) to yesterday morning (pale, pasty, scratchy voice, dragging feet) was unbelievable.  I used to push her to walk too - but got tired of the complaining and obsessing and occasional dramatic after-effects.  But the only after effect she had today was two naps instead of one - and that’s not so bad.

watching the horses

Tomris finally go the nerve to go closer

the kids found their garden tools

I made fried strawberry pies

Sometimes Teoman and Tomris like to get around
their sister and love, touch, talk, make weird
noises, play, and hover hover hover.

my cool dude

in our gardens

a bit puffy eyes

Teoman's eyes still looked bad, but they both woke up happy and ready to play.  Tuana was already playing in her crib.  She always wakes up bright eyes and smiling, with little noises escaping that show her excitement.

I changed everybody and sent the older two downstairs, carrying Tuana with me.  Zuleyha had been up, out for a walk to the beach, and back with breakfast all prepared waiting for us to come down.  Baba was outside rooting around in the garden.  Anne and Gokhan were both sleeping having been up late watching the Turkish "Survivor".  (Main difference being it's a minimum of THREE HOURS LONG every night).  They also were up at 4:22am calming Baba down who had woken up in the midst of a dream or hallucination.  Gokhan and Anne were quite dramatic about how they were up "all night" with Baba because of this - making me ever so thankful once again for Zuleyha because she takes care of bringing things out to the balcony, breakfast,  and Baba when excitement and drama keep the others from functioning.

Baba was already busy in the garden, so he was hungry.  He had come up and asked Zuleyha for his green water bottle.  We have several repurposed glass bottles in our refrigerator holding cold water and Zuleyha grabbed one and poured the cold water into a glass for Baba.  When she served it to him - he said he didn't want cold water, so she went back to fill a new glass with room temperature water.  Not wanting to waste the bottled water - she tossed the cold water into the tea pot.  (We use bottled water for everything, even cooking, because the water out here isn't clean enough for drinking or even washing food).  I was preparing oatmeal.  We have two 3 liter jugs in the freezer of frozen pomegranate that Gokhan had shucked and stored last fall.  I opened one container and scraped some out onto my cereal and Teoman's.  As I was doing so I started smelling something like fermenting fruit.  I brought it out the the table, took a few bites - unable to get the smell out of my nostrils.  I told Zuleyha, and she smelled it - but wasn't sure.  We sat down for breakfast and tea and Gokhan said the tea tasted like wine.  Now we were all suspicious of the smell.  Sniffing the tea and tasting it.  It undoubtedly had alcohol in it, so then we began trying to figure out how alcohol got into our tea.

drinking vodka tea for breakfast

Many of the repurposed glass bottles in our fridge are whiskey bottles.  One of the green bottles wasn't water - it was fruit flavored vodka.  Zuleyha's glass of cold "water" for Baba had been vodka, and when he refused it, she had dumped the vodka into the tea pot.  Baba hadn't seemed to notice, or if he did, he wasn't complaining and had drank most of his tea.  We all laughed a lot at breakfast, teasing Zuleyha for trying to get us all relaxed before noon.

watching the tractor delivering manure for Baba's planting

The summer homes in this area are mostly empty now - but people will be coming more and more throughout May.  Our neighbors arrived today, "the gypsies."  Tolga doesn't like them, and they are fighting with the community about different fees - not to mention they've encroached onto our property by a meter-and-a-half.  They had two german shepards for the longest time that I can only hope died - and now they mostly renting out their home.  Anne and Baba are gentle people and while they aren't very social, they are kind and know most everyone (and most everyone knows them).  The woman, Zeynep, came to say hello to Anne and update her on some family tragedies.

Teoman was listening carefully, and while they were talking, he asked me,
"Mom? What are they talking about?"
"Our neighbor's mother died."
"Why?"
"I'm not sure what happened."
"Are you going to die?"
"Ah.... eventually."
"But I don't want you to die," he said putting his head on my lap.
"Well, I don't want to leave you ever - but everyone dies when they get older.  But some die when their young, or my age, or Babanne's age from accidents, or sickness, or surgery.  You and I will probably live until an old age, but you never can know.
"Why do we have to die?  What happens?"
"Well, remember Adam and Eve?  Life was perfect, they were with God, but then they got greedy and wanted everything.  They made a mistake, and couldn't be with God anymore.  Because of all of our mistakes there is pain, and sickness, and many other bad things in this world.  When we die - this body will die but inside of us will go up to heaven where we will get a new body that will never get sick or hurt.

Our sweet boy thinking deep thoughts.

happy children's day

It’s Children’s Day in Turkey today - a national holiday.  If it weren’t the weekend, there would still be no school - however, most schools hold a ceremony on this day to celebrate with speeches, music, dance, and other arts.  The holiday marks the date the first Turkish parliament met in order to establish the new Turkish Republic.  Ataturk, the Turkish Hero, made the day a national holiday and dedicated it to the children around the world.  The day is technically called National Sovereignty and Children’s Day with the intent that our children would ensure Turkey’s independence and sovereignty to be governed by the people.  

Tuana had slept through the night.  Or maybe I slept through the night because we had all gone to sleep late (10:30 was late considering how tired we all were), and she didn’t wake up with crying until seven.  She rarely cries in the night for hunger, so I figured she must of been sucking her thumb all night and really had had enough by the time she cried, and I felt guilty for this.  

And Teoman woke up like this:

In the end, we decided it was an allergy from the cut grass.  Teoman also had swollen mosquito bites on his ears, hands, and a few dots on his cheeks.  His cousin Batuhan, before Yesim got home yesterday, she was already redirecting her path to the emergency room.  He was coughing and noisily breathing.  The hospital gave him a breathing treatment and a shot for his allergy.  

They came over again today to make muffins.  Teoman and Tomris were jumping and down with excitement once again.  

Teoman also peed his pants three time today, again.  

Loving their cousin

loving their cousin too much

eyes and ear aren't much better, but he's a happy boy!

playing in Kusdasi

The kids hadn’t caught up on sleep yet, but both were up at 7am so excited to explore more.  The weather here is down to the high 50s at night and only up to the mid 70s during the day.  It’s mild weather, but considering the house is not heated and I’m usually here when it’s constantly in the 90s - I was a bit unprepared for the weather.  I hadn’t packed enough warm clothes for the kids.  They were fine in long pants, long sleeve shirt and sweatshirts - but I had only packed three, and Teoman peed on all three today.  They are both potty-trained - but their cousin came over, Batuhan, who is six months older than Teoman and they were too excited to bother with the toilet. 

Teoman asked me all day long when Batuhan was coming, and some point sat on a stool by the gate waiting for him.  I was so tired from being up during the bus ride, non-stop preparation, and then coming and cleaning.  So, when Tomris told me she was tired - I promptly took upstairs and snuggled us both to sleep.  I didn’t nap well because I had to get up for Tuana, and then Teoman had peed his pants again, and I’m not sure what else but Tomris and I went back downstairs eventually and Teoman was on overdrive.  I convinced him to nap too - promising to wake him up as soon as Batuhan came.  He agree as long as abla would snuggle with him.  Zuleyha had been cooking and cleaning all morning.  I have not asked her to do one thing.  She just does things, and does things willingly and seemingly happily.  I would write a book about her if I didn’t find her so unfathomable.  

catching bubbles

Yesim, Hakan’s wife came in the middle of the afternoon.  I woke Teoman up as promised, and Yesim and I went by car to the grocery store.  Hakan and Gokhan had only bought some bare essentials - so we went and did the big stuff: meat, more cheeses, oil, cleaning products, milk, etc.  I left and returned to the store twice having forgot things - but still had to hurry home because Tuana had woken up and was hungry.  Teoman, Tomris, and Batuhan were all playing hard in the garden - going between squealing with delight, fighting, and in Tomris’s case, crying (she’s my drama queen).  

playing with bubble guns

 Tomris peed her pants and I brought her up to the shower while Baba cut the only patch of grass that seems to grow in our yard, and Teoman stood in the walkway waving goodbye to his good buddy.  I showered them both, we had dinner, and still didn’t manage to sleep until quite late - Tomris wanted abla to put her to sleep now.  I think we all prefer Zuleyha. 

Kusadasi

We took a bus to Kusadasi last night - me, Anne, Zuleyha, and the three kids.  Our new car wasn’t ready, and Tolga didn’t want me driving without him - I don’t have a Turkish license which is probably not a problem, but Tolga likes to err on the side of caution.  I wasn’t too keen on driving the distance either, and Teoman was over excited about taking the bus.  

Busses in Turkey are extremely comfortable to travel in.  They have attendants, like flight attendants on a plane, rolling a cart down the aisle to serve drinks and snacks, tea and coffee, cologne to freshen up.  There are electrical outlets, internet, and touch screens on the back of each seat.  And the busses stop every four hours for tea and bathrooms as well. 

At the bus station Teoman kept saying,

“Bye bye Baba,” because he was so excited to go, and then, “Why aren’t we going!?”  Zuleyha’s husband, Ahmet, was there too.  Waving goodbye to Zuleyha and smiling big at the kids.  We were in a three-seater bus - I relatively new style where the coach bus has taken out a row of seats to create a much roomier ride.   Teoman sat at the window - eyes wide, watching the road.  Later he played with the television screen, and even though I had him turn it off after a half hour - he didn’t sleep until about 3am or later (we had left at 11pm).  We stopped at 4am, and while neither wanted to get up - I made them both use the bathroom promising snacks afterwards.  We stopped for only a half hour - and that’s about how much time it takes for me to get everyone up, to the toilet, washed, and change the baby.  Tuana slept well the whole way - finding her thumb when she needed it.  

Tomris slept, but Teoman had a hard time sleeping - he wasn’t crabby - he was just too excited.  I told him he needed to sleep and he excitedly agreed, sept a half hour, then announced he was awake and was going to look out the window  until we got to Kusadasi - and he would sleep there.  Dawn was breaking, and it didn’t help that Anne was also excitedly talking to him.

So, minus our reversing down a highway at a wrong turn, a heater unnecessarily turned on, and somebody else’s toddler crying most of the night, we successfully arrived in Kusdasi at 8:30am.  Hakan met us at the Kusadasi bus station.  One of the driver’s looked at him and said,
“Didn’t we just leave you in Kusadasi?”  It’s uncanny how many people recognize Tolga and Hakan as brothers, and even think they are twins at times.  Hakan is taller and broader than Tolga, five years younger, but they both have the same broad smiles and laughing eyes.  

Hakan drove us to our summer home.  Tomris kept crying,

“This isn’t Kusadasi!” until we pulled onto our street, then she smiled and said, “Remember this mama?”

Gokhan and Baba had only been on their own here for ten days.  They had spent a lot of time cleaning the garden, and Gokhan reported to us everything that he had cleaned.  (Tolga made him nervous about all of us coming and getting mad for making a mess of the place).  They had undoubtedly done a lot of work - but whenever I come to Kusadasi, my first reaction is being overwhelmed and a bit crazy at the mess.

There is always junk everywhere.  I know that’s two superlatives in one sentence - but I’m conveying my feelings here too.  Baba has projects, and remains of projects, and beginnings of projects - all around the yard.  The iron that Baba was going to sell to the demirci was still in the yard - just in a different spot.    The banana tree was cut down and ready to be hauled away as well as weeds that were pulled and left.  The old lawn mower was out, broken - to make space in the depot for the new one.  The old barbecue was on the balcony along with Hakan’s windsurf board stuck behind the porch swing.  There are about one hundred pairs of shoes — garden shoes, indoor shoes, balcony shoes, warm shoes, watering shoes, who-knows-for-what-shoes.  And these shoes are everywhere except the shoe rack.  In the middle of the front door, in the middle of the back door, on the balcony, on the stairwell, on the entrance stairwell.  The refrigerator was empty.  The kitchen had only Gokhan’s staple foods - a toaster for his cheese toast, pasta, bread, cheese, popcorn, and cheap oil. 

I could go on, and I probably will throughout my stay here. 

I think it drove Anne crazy too.  Different aspects than me - but I saw for the first time her going through the same panic motions of where’s all my stuff?  We all got to work right away.  Hakan and Gokhan went to the grocery store to get stock the fridge with some basics.  Anne disappeared for hours, and Zuleyha got started in the kitchen.  None of us talked, nor made a plan - we all just dove into the thing we wanted done most.  I was upstairs shaking out our curtains and blankets, changing sheets, unpacking, dusting, cleaning, and sweeping.

We all did this in-between playing, feeding, and changing the kids who in their excitement kept forgetting to use the toilet.  They were rediscovering their toys.  Teoman wanted to go to the sea and to the water park.  Tomris wanted to chase the stray cats and go peer closer at the rooster and it’s three hens clucking around.  (The farm animals are indeed out of place in this summer home community).  

By the end of the day Anne was holding her breath - she does that when she’s overtired and in pain - and holding her back.  This is one of the biggest stresses for me - when Anne over does things, but insists on working and serving everyone with sighs and grunts and groans.  So to have Zuleyha here I could cry with joy - she helps everyone and in doing so, helps me - her light hearted and easy going nature doesn’t stop her from giving her opinions, it just makes her comments and ideas easier for everyone to follow.  I often defer to her in decisions relating to the house because I can’t always trust my biases.  She is there to bounce ideas off and keep me sane.  And this is always my emotion that follows the initial shock at what needs to be done: we are so fortunate to have this place, to be able to sit outside and eat on our terrace, to be together as a family with all of our imperfections.  This is life.  

preparing to go

Tomris in bed with a fever

Tuana - 10 weeks and I found my thumb!

they alway want to snuggle with their sister..

It’s been a big few days in preparation for our bus trip to Kusadasi.  I have to return to work May 10th, and we had planned all along to go to Kusadasi for a couple of weeks.  I wasn’t overly anxious to go in April - markets haven’t all opened, the weather is pleasant, and somedays too cool to be eating outside (which is the only place our dining table fits - a plastic outdoor table), but I had left the decision to Tolga who was sending us around his work schedule.  He told me over the weekend he would bring up to the bus station Wednesday night - and I had a small freakout: but it’s still cold, I have appointments to go too, I’ll miss the last Bible study, but, what about…  

Kusadasi is beautiful and wonderful - but it comes with a lot of work too.  Having a newborn, I’ve fallen into a safe simple routine - and Kusadasi was adding a lot of nervous excitement.  

Tolga came home from work Monday afternoon.  The kids were about to sleep, but didn’t once they realized Baba was home.  The gave enthusiastic hugs and Teoman immediately been asking when we were going to Kusadasi.  We went to the mall together to eat and get new swimsuits and gifts for the cousins.  

Tolga also emptied the car so he could turn it in to Toyota as part of our trade in.  (Side note: emptying my car was like emptying a huge junk drawer - it’s amazing at our affinity for collecting things).  

We went to the dentist together on Tuesday.  He had to have a bridge re-placed, and me for a general cleaning.  I have yet to find a good dentist - or maybe I should say, an American-like dentist.  This dentist - like all dentists thus far in Turkey - asked me:

Why are you here?

I might have a cavity.

Does it hurt?

No.

Let me take a look.  Hmmm…your teeth look fine.  What did you want to do?

Just a general cleaning.  

Okay.  I usually only treat tooth problems here . . . this is different.

And it becomes apparent as she stabbed my gums and sanded my teeth.  (Why was I voluntarily going to the dentist?)

We had Tuana with us.  The dentist and her assistant were cooing over Tuana and at one point Tuana got scared and cried.  The dentist said,

“Her stomach is hurting, you should cover her head so she won’t be cold.”

“That’s a Turkish belief, I come from a cold country.”

“But in Turkey it’s different.  Even my dog that went out onto the cold wet balcony got sick.  He got diarrhea.”

I started packing this morning - I should have started earlier, but it takes a lot of mental preparation first.  And then, when I start packing - I have to compete with the kids for their attention and their curiosity.  I spend a lot of time running in circles trying to remember what I was looking for or chasing the kids down to retrieve something they “found” in the suitcase.  

In the midst of this - I also wanted to go to the hair dresser - which is no small commitment in time.  I love getting my hair done.  It’s three-four hours of doing nothing.   I don’t get bored - I can read, or listen to music, or look at magazines - or absolutely nothing - just sit, and zone out, or rest while my head is massaged, washed, combed, cut, highlighted.  It inspires poetry in my mind.

Except…

The kids wanted to come this time.  I said fine, and they watched, and ran, and Tomris sat on my lap.  It just wasn’t the same experience until Zuleyha finally took them home.