"Yeah, you mentioned that." (To which I was very tempted to give a bit of her own medicine back, "Jealous?")
But it's not just the kids she's helping with (and the food and the cleaning and the grocery shopping), it's Anne and Baba too. Anne is even getting a bit lazy - which is nice to see - because the problem with Anne is she's really helpful, until she's not. She will play with the kids, cook, or clean - maybe push herself too hard, and then maybe I won't see her get up one morning, or one evening because something is berbat - horrible - her favorite word in Kusadasi. "My back is horrible" or "My head is spinning horribly" or "My head/stomach/knee is horrible".
The temperature has only been getting up to the low seventies for the past few days. Anne hasn't been dressing properly. Whereas Baba overdresses with a winter cap, gloves and sweater - Anne put on a long sleeve dress. It was a cold morning and Zuleyha pushed her to change into a track suit. Anne tends to wear the same cycle of clothing and packs her other clothes away and forgets about them - but she eventually found a blue track suit that I had bought for her four years ago. She put it on and complained of being cold still.
"You must be sick then," Zuleyha said. I shook my head,
"What are you wearing under the jacket?" Anne shook her head to indicate nothing. I knew this - she never wears a shirt under her light track suit, in fact - she rarely layers clothes, or adjusts with the temperature. She'll sweat in a coat or freeze in her dress. I pointed out that Zuleyha had three layers on and so did I - that's why we weren't cold and she was.
Baba decided to go into town. Anne helped him up the stairs, and struggled behind him - and pulled out a change of clothes for him and followed him back down with a pained look on her face. She saw me watching her and said,
"What can I do?"
"About what?"
"Rahmi wants to go to town."
You could not help him change into his going-into-town-clothes. But she did, and she always does - complaining the whole time - it's her habit, to do everything for Baba - serve him food, bring him medicines, change or wash his clothes, bring him water, fetch something for him - sometimes she does it happily, sometimes she does with great complaint - but she rarely says no.
"Should he not go into town?" I suppose she was worried about him.
"He won't listen to me."
"You should go with him taze," Zuleyha said. I think that's the last thing Anne wanted to do. I think she preferred complaining about him. She made a face at Baba and yelled,
"Should I come with you?" Baba didn't hear or understand, so she repeated with less patience and more resentment. Baba looked surprised at the offer. I don't blame him. She doesn't like leaving the house - and has never offered to assist him rather than complain. He probably didn't even understand she was offering to help him. He shook his head, saying he would be fine. For some reason, Anne repeated her question,
"Should I go upstairs and change my clothes to come with you?" She had to repeat herself again.
"Why?" he said.
"Fine! I won't go!" She said. And then again, "Should I change and come?" And now Baba was irritated that she was yelling and repeating the offer so angrily.
"Why do you keep saying that?"
"Fine, I'm not going! Off - he doesn't listen to me!"
Zuleyha told her to get some rest, and so she did. But then again this evening, I was trimming the bushes in the garden and she came out and started putting the trimmings I had raked into the wheelbarrow and rolling it over to the brush pile. I told her not to, that I'd get it - and she told me I couldn't because of my back. I don't know why she does this - because she's been holding her back since we got here - maybe she wants me to say,
"No, but your back is worse!" but instead, I said,
"My back is fine, I have no pain - I can do it." But Anne continued to carry the brush - just three loads, and not so heavy - but enough to giver her reason to go to bed early tonight because of back pain.
Tolga says I should manage her - that she's been managed her whole life and it's what she's used too. I think she prefers it, almost as if she needs permission to sit down and rest, or as if she is doing things to seek acknowledgement of her ailments. But it's hard for me to play along - I need Anne to manage herself. To rest when she's tired, to not pick up heavy things, to help Baba or not - I need her to make logical and responsible decisions. But I can't count on her, and I don't know what to do with her. I am reluctant to tell her - don't pick that up, or sit down - because when she dismisses me, I'm even less likely to argue with her about it.
Zuleyha is less invested, or more used to it - and she quite simply said,
"Go to bed taze, rest and don't get up tomorrow."
Zuleyha steps in again.
Zuleyha steps in again.
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| Babanne and Tuana |
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