my school age children

I had a full day and a coverage - but in-between times I registered my kids for next year - and that was exciting.

Most of the paperwork had to do with Tomris - her ID card and passport, our general information, emergency contact, and payments.

I couldn't help grinning along with the other parents signing up their pre-schoolers.  One heavy man was chatting about the new ID cards - the new ones look like the American driver's license but they are heavier.  He was commenting that they don't have your religion or blood group listed on them - something that was listed on the older ones.  He also complained that they included his height (not on the previous) and made him shorter.

I moved over to the finance office.  I don't have to pay for their private education, and previously I wouldn't have had to pay for their lunch either.  Now I must, and they charge approximately 16 lire a day - which is about $4.50.  I hefty pre-school lunch price tag.

As a teacher I get free lunch, and free bus service - which could save a lot of money in gas and other car expenses.  Sometimes it is nice to sit on the bus and sleep, especially on bad weather days.  But, I'm still thankful everyday for the luxury of a car - the freedom if offers and stress it relieves.

The foyer was set up with the bus service, a bank creditor, and school supply order station. I set up - or tried to set up - a payment plan for their lunch service, but I was blocked being a foreigner.  However, I was informed I could do it online.  (It's still unclear to me what the bankers actual job is here).  I was given a school supply  list as well - almost $200 worth between the both of them  - of items I needed to buy.  But the service at the school would prepare and deliver the supplies on the first day, which is a service I was happy to pay for.

And so, next year has been set up - there will be three of us heading to school each day together.  It has added a whole new dimension and joy to being a teacher.

worth all our love

I recently met a boy at school whom I had never seen him before until two weeks ago.  He was wrestling with a fork and looked like a weasel.  I assumed we was playing around, but my friend informed me he was unstable.  He had pretended to jump out of a window a few weeks earlier.

My friend got the fork from the boy and then tried to talk to him but he ran away.

The following week I saw him on the playground, he had a cut on his neck.  Apparently he'd been pretending to strangle or hang himself - I came late on the scene as the next duty teacher, so I didn't get the details.

A couple days later, he was running around with his shirt off.  I talked to him for the first time then.  I treated him like he was normal ... asking what was wrong, if he was cold or needed another shirt.  He shook his head and put his shirt back on.

Today I saw him outside the office.  My friend had stopped him and asked if he was okay.  He shook his head.  She hugged him and the boy began to weep.

steps to reading

Teoman is starting to pretend to read.  It's a stage in reading, and I know in his pre-school - he hadn't been doing this, nor at home.  We would listen to his younger sister do it, actually.

But tonight, he put his fingers on the words and read them to me.  Then he asked me to read it, and then he tried to repeat read what I had said.  It is so fun to see his little brain working, trying to process the languages, the print, and his imagination.

His favorite dinosaur is the biggest one.  The spinosaurus.

another bang

Tuana was overdue on a nap but doing well.  Back at the house, she did nap, but not long enough.  When she woke up, she was my hip attachment.  I finally was able to set her down when I put a bowl of food on kid-size table.

I'm not sure how she fell off her chair, but she has quite a few close calls all the time, so I caught the movement out of the corner of my eye.  I couldn't reach fast enough so I stuck out my foot - just in time and perfectly cradling her head and neck so it didn't bang the floor.

But she cried, and I figured it was because she was scared.  But then she stamped her foot, and I realized she was hurt.  She had food in her mouth, and I put my hand in front of her and she automatically spit it it out.  Even though it was a dried strawberry - it looked too red - and, sure enough her mouth was bleeding.  I brought her to the sink and washed her mouth.  She mimicked me, washing her mouth as well.  She wasn't crying any longer, but playing with the water.  However, I couldn't get her away to examine as it set her in a fit of screams.

In the end, I could see she cut the string of skin the connects the inner lip to the gums.  I'm not sure how important that piece is.. but she seemed okay in spite of the bleeding lip.  My poor baby.  She was restless going down tonight.  Maybe she was in pain, maybe she needed to poop.  It's hard to tell with babies.

morning and night

My life-is-wonderful me: It was supposed to storm, and although it was cloudy, it was beautiful.  We all packed into the car, running late but I stopped for simit, anyhow.  I had the stroller and bikes in the trunk, so a big morning planned of soccer, park playing, and American Base junk food.   But the games weren't on this weekend.  I was turned back at the base - I had misread the schedule and forgotten about American holidays. But we were all ready and packed, so I headed to a new park.  It had winding paths, relatively walled in, a slide and stairs just Tuana's size, and the sun had come out. I called a couple of friends that lived nearby, and one stopped by and the other brought her kids, stayed and played.  It was beautiful.

My I-cannot-stand-another-minute-of-my-brother-in-law me: He's fasting today.  He told me last night he would -translation: he will be unable to assist in anything because he's hungry so he must sleep.  After a day at the park, taking them to eat, music class and grocery shopping - I came home.  My brother-in-law in formed me he was sleeping.
No kidding.
No really, I just got up.
Don't worry, I don't doubt it one bit.
I'm going to the market now.
I just went.
I'm going to get tuna fish and vegetables for the kids.
You eat tunafish, they don't.  I got everything on the list from the fridge.
No really, I'll get it for them.
No really, you don't need to - I got everything, unless you want it for yourself.
No I don't want it for me, just for the kids.
Okay, then stay and help with dinner.
(After dinner)
I'm going to the market to get tuna fish.
I know.  I know you are.

report card of a pre-schooler

We had a scheduled parent-teacher conference with Teoman's teachers today.  We had received his "report card" on Monday where he was evaluated in about 20 different areas as to his progress and development in age appropriate categories: matching, cutting, making lines - but all evaluated in fancy jargon.   He was doing well in all areas except pen control, and his teacher's made kind comments about him.

His class has fifteen students, and from my impression, a few rascals.  He has two teachers, an older no nonsense, energetic South African grandma with five children, and some grandchildren, and a young Turkish woman.  Teoman loves both his teachers and they love him - saying he always listens, he's considerate, gentle, listens intently to story time, the girls love to play with him in the garden, and he is doing great in general.  They only recommend that he work on speaking up - sometimes his teachers and classmates can't hear him because he is quiet and he may get frustrated in the future if he doesn't figure out how to make himself heard.

Tolga is in the field, but he knew the time of the conference and made sure that he was in an area that had cell reception so that he could participate in the conference.  We felt so proud to attend a conference about our son, to hear what they had to say.  I felt the teacher side of me that said, "Who cares what he can and cannot do?  Everyone is different."  And I felt the learned parent side (the lines I hear from all parents) of panic and concern, "What should I do to help him?"

I did't take the conference (or my feelings) to seriously - but it sure was a fun experience.

when all is quiet

Mornings I feel pretty great.

Evenings are another story.  I'm temporarily energized when I first see the kids - with hugs and cuddles.  Chasing and tickling.  Then I usually sit in the chair with Tuana because she's asking to nurse (yes, she's old enough to ask for it now - she pats my chest while sucking her thumb, then giggles in anticipation).  And then I crash in the chair.  I put out dinner, and I'm exhausted from walking back and forth from the table bringing, food, ice cube to cool the food down, milk, paper towel, rag, bib, another cup, back for bread, more milk, my tea, a spoon, a broom and dustbin, and so on.

I let them play some after dinner because Teoman had no school today and tomorrow, then I stuck them both in the shower for steam to help their stuffy noses, while I nursed Tuana to sleep.  Tolga is away, and Gokhan is here - but he mostly comes home from work and goes to his room and watches television.  Through many conversations - he has learned to occasionally come out of his room, especially when he hears screaming and crying - but tonight was rather calm.

Until I went to check on them.  Tuana was asleep, and I put her down, and I stepped in a puddle before I opened the bathroom door.  The kids had somehow blocked the shower basin and the water was overflowing into the bathroom and out the door into our bedroom.

An inch deep of water is really hard to mop up.  And I was dreading the knock on our door informing us the water had leaked through to the apartments below.  Teoman and Tomris were oblivious to what was happening and playing happily in the water.

For that matter, Tuana and Gokhan were oblivious too.
But it was actually the calmest most effiicient drama clean up ever.
I suppose I had extra grace tonight.
And, I'll take it.

better than I

On our first exam of the year, I put all the support documents on Moodle (our web platform) as reference and guides for my students and parents as I was asked to do.  My team leader assigned the tech person to override our teams' pages and post Exam prep material, assuming we hadn't done it ourselves.  Neither noticed I had done it already, and I just shrugged it off.  The next couple of exams there was little done, so the latest exam I prepared a study guide - as it seemed my students needed it, and I shared with with my colleagues, as I'm sure they all needed it too but ran out of time, or something.  Yesterday, I prepared another study guide a week in advance to the exam.  Just before I sent it, our team leader beat me to it.  She sent a study guide to all our students and parents, and while I didn't see what she sent, she emailed us that it had been done.

I am frustrated with this example for a couple of reasons:
Namely, I wasted an afternoon.
But also, the constant feeling of being surprised and outside of the process.
Our team leader sent the email with the caveat that we could all send our own guides for our own students.

... but we are all giving the same exam.

We are on the same team...

Another frustrated colleague of mine always says, "Thank you."  And "Great job," and "You have done an amazing job."

She is better than I.

walker

Tuana took her first steps on May Day.  She wasn't taking too much initiative since then - but would perform when we set ourselves down and across from her - mostly falling towards our arms.  But a little over two weeks later - when Tolga was home, she took six steps on her own.  This whole past weekend, she was taking more initiative to stand an balance on her own, and take a few steps.  When we'd hold our our arms, she was tottering over 6-10 steps.  And just like that, today, she's walking a drunken 20 steps - giggling and squealing with pleasure.

She also closes her eyes when she thinks she's going to fall into something, and hugs you when she's fallen into you.

milestones.

the last leg

Tolga left for the field this morning.  It will be probably two weeks this time, so we are all buckling in.  Teoman says it's not that long, and will proceed to count to fifteen to prove it.

Tuana is getting into walking.  She is standing up strongly, then holding her stance, looking around and giggling with pleasure before toddling 10-15 steps - its pretty cool to watch.

We are entering the final weeks of school - which is a huge relief.  Even preparing my students for the last exam doesn't feel as pressure filled.

waterslide get-away

The kids love waking up at a hotel.  I do too.  They race down the hallways.  They ate heartily - and had immediate plans for the pool.  Tolga and I enjoyed taking them there - seeing their excitement.  Even Tuana, who apparently doesn't like the water less than 27 Centigrade, likes the pools - at the right temp.

We had breaksfast, swam, showered, and went to the indoor play area while Tolga checked us out... and that was all before noon.  We drove home and the kids were disappointed to say the least.  Tomris informed us she was going to "break our car" and "break Ankara".
Apparently she wanted to stay.

They still agreed though, it was a pretty good time.

hotel break

Saturday morning no one got up except Tuana.  I had to wake everyone up to get going to Teoman's soccer match.  It was another perfect day to play - sunny and cool.  At the match Teoman played defense, Tomris went between our arms, and Tuana crawled around in the grass.

As part of the holiday weekend - we had scheduled to go to a hotel today.  It was a four day weekend - but not quite long enough to make the trip to Kusadasi with small children.  The car ride can be torturous for everyone.

So we opted for a thermal hotel an hour away - in Haymana.  Indoor/outdoor pool, indoor/ourdoor waterslides, mud bath, salt rooms (I don't know what it's for, but it's room with chairs and a floor of salt), indoor/outdoor playground, tea, dinner, and breakfast.

We surprised the kids with it - and they were so excited - they have been talking about going swimming in pools and waterslides in the summer - and this was an early treat.  They both can float around with their swimmies (arm flotation devices).  Tomris giggles and clings.  Teoman has got to the point where he is willing to try most anything.  By the end he was going down the waterslides on his own, and even swam underwater to get under the divider to the outdoor pool.  Tomris did it too when Tolga pushed her - and I about had  heart attack, and Tomris cried and cried and didn't want to do it again.

We showered and played in the outdoor playground as well.  Tomris fed the rabbit. Teoman when down a slide and landed in a puddle of water (back up to the room to change again).  The jumped on the trampolines - and having a blast right up to dinner time.

Because of the holiday - it was a special dinner tonight.  Parents could feed their kids from the buffet and drop them off in a room to watch cartoons.  The ballroom was set up to serve a five course meal - with music and dancing.  It was beautiful - but Tuana was tired and wouldn't stop moving.  Granted its was to try out her new found walking legs so she could get near the music and dance.  Tolga and I lasted only one course - and we had to put them all to bed.

We don't do fancy.  Especially not at this stage in our lives.  We were just as exhausted.

check-ups

Today was the last day of school, as tomorrow is a holiday.  I picked up Teoman and we met Tolga and the kids at the hospital.  Tolga had gone and was diagnosed with a sinus infection as well - which explained his headaches, symptoms he usually doesn't have.

We were also going for Tomris and Tuana.  Tuana needed a shot and began crying the moment she made eye contact with the doctor.  I think she remembered her last shot.  Tomris had a general physical for school and he filled out her medical form.

Afterwards we passed by the Obgyn wing - and said hello to my doctor and her nurse.  Our kids are quite well known in the hospital because we are there so much, there's three, and all have blond hair and blue eyes - a notable trait in Turkey.  In the pediatrics, the receptionist play with them and give them all lollipops.  In the Obgyn, the nurse loves Teoman, and my doctor loves Tomris.  And Tuana, well she's giving toothy grins and pudgy handed waves to everyone .

This age is so hard and so sweet, and we are so proud.

when others take responsibility

Maybe its my week, but I've had it with somethings.

I saw my 5th grade lead in the morning and she wouldn't look at me.  Not a good sign.  Guilt, insecurity, bad news, or all three.  I initiated the conversation and asked about the meeting.
"The academic part of the meeting went really well.... I think you need to have another meeting with them about the emotional side."
Blink. Blink. Steam.
My colleague had done a reading analysis of the boy last week.  When I asked her the results her answer was,
"I think I know what his problem is."
"What is it?"
"I'll tell you later."
(me pausing and staring blankly then looking at the paper)  "This isn't his handwriting."
"I didn't have time for him to write, so he gave me the answers verbally and I wrote them down, but it's okay.  I know what the problem is."
"But I asked months ago if I could give him exams that way, and you said no."
"I wrote it down word for word - you can still see his problem in his answers."
"But I told you there is a disconnect between his verbal speech and his written answers."
"I know - but I think I found the problem anyhow."
"What is it?"
"We'll talk about it later."

I went to my room frustrated.  Her withholding of information and thoughts, controlling of pertinent details was weird and typical of the year.  The root of the entire team's frustration.  She created the exams, planned fun days, gave out canteen passes - and complained about too much work in spite of the team's offers to help.  If I were a loving friend, I might confront her on these things, but I'm not so loving - and rather like the fact that she's taking all the responsibility - especially for my first year.  Mostly.

My colleague came back in my room for some reason, and I couldn't let it go.
"I'm so disappointed to hear your comment that there is still an emotional issue.  What was that about?"
"They just kept bringing up the issue over and over again."
"Why didn't you put your heel on the issue - address it and finish it?"
"Don't put this on me!"
I was surprised at her reaction.  She had become defensive and taken it personally really quickly.  I didn't respond - I just stared a bit surprised and she couldn't make eye contact and walked out.  I gave her a minute then followed.
"I'm sorry.  I'm not mad at you.  I'm feeling manipulated by the situation.  Thank you for giving your input into the meeting - I feel frustrated that this issue isn't closed after all the months and hours I've put into this boy, that a misunderstanding is undermining everything and being held against me.
We both had tears in our eyes.

We aren't close, and I can how vulnerable she is, her shields of data and words.  I don't understand it - and as I said earlier, I'm not a loving enough friend to address it - but I understand some of it, and I'm baffled by other parts of it.

In our after school meeting our lead was managing plans for the last two weeks of school.  She had a plan set out, and was trying to be open to other ideas.  One suggested a ropes course.
"Too small."
"How about Panora?" I mentioned.
"Too far."
I looked at her confused.  We had just discussed going to a city 4 hours away for an overnight, Panora was near my house.
"How about the lake on campus?" another offered.
"Oooh - how about Lake Eymir?"
"Too far," she said again.
"How about Mogan Lake?" another offered.
"We've done that before - that would be a good place and has lots of restaurants," our lead considered.
"My concern with Mogan is it's hard to keep track of kids there because of the layout - I don't even like bringing my three there because I have trouble seeing them.  I'm also concerned about the restaurants - there is one central cafe - but the others are a distant to walk too.  Mogan also happens to be farther than Panora and Lake Eymir."
"Eymir's hard to get it, we did Mogan before."

I let it go.  I didn't exactly want to be monitoring lots of kids around a lake.  But also didn't care enough to fight about it.

what really matters

I had another full day of teaching, I was anticipating the two o'clock meeting with the parent and tutor.  The parent is my kids' backup doctor, actually.  When our doctor is not there - she is the one that sees them.  The tutor, I had in mind to make wait outdoors.

I had prepared a detailed analysis of his work, and pinpointed some areas as to why he is struggling - and I had pulled in a few other teachers to look at his work and give their opinion.  I had talked with the boy about the "accusing of cheating" incident as soon as I had been back in school.  I apologized for upsetting him, explained it was never my intention, told him I liked him no matter what and that he could talk to me, even if it was about being mad at me.

I thought it was resolved.  I was hoping it was - but suspected it wasn't, not because of the boy, but because of the tutor's email.  So the meeting today was to talk about academic support, with my 5th grade lead, and the counselor.

But, while eating lunch I checked in with Tolga.  He had come home from work early the day before sick.  He had stomach pain, nausea, and terrible breath.  He has only been nauseous once since I've known him - and that was this year with the swine flu.  He also had stomach bleeding when he was fifteen, and so we both suspected it.  Because the symptoms weren't so severe and he just wanted to rest - he had waited to go to the doctor today.  When I messaged him - we told me he was going under anesthesia in an hour for an endoscopy.

I was shocked - I figured they may do that, I just didn't think immediately.  My classes were done for the day, and I just had the horrible meeting coming up - but I decided to leave anyhow.  I left my analysis with the counselor, passed the tutor and the mother in the parking lot and excused myself.  The mother smiled.  She looked okay - I took this as a good sign.

Tolga had surgery a few years ago to remove a cyst in his hand and in his head.  I went to work and did not go with him - we decided it wasn't so serious, it wasn't necessary.  After the surgery we both, separately, had a realization - we won't do that again.  It wasn't serious - but neither is work.  There is no reason not to be at each other's side - especially when it has to do with health.  And it is ridiculous to wait for something serious.  I'd rather be there for something simple 100 times.

The endoscopy showed he did have an ulcer that was bleeding some, and severe gastritis - it explained all his symptoms and is treatable with medicines.  He will be fine, but it was enough excitement for both of us for the day.

that one kid

I suppose I hadn't slept enough - grading papers and all - but I woke up, went to school, and had a tough day all day.  I was feeling anxious and unhappy.  It could have had to do with the parent meeting I was scheduled to have the next day, or that my team lead wasn't communicating well with me, or that I was too tired of it all to work at it.  

Before parent-conferences, I got a hostile email on a Friday afternoon from the tutor of a student of mine.  She accused me of "unacceptable behavior", demotivating the student, accusing him of cheating in front of the whole class, and that he'd been crying everyday since - she informed me that his mother was a pediatrician, and they both don't approve of me.

Nice.   The incident had happened three earlier, and now I couldn't sort it out until Monday...

I felt terrible about it.  The kid was a sweet boy, worked hard, always volunteered and gave feedback to his peers - the model student, except his answers were 90% of the time wrong.  His last two exams were 44% and then improved to a 56%.  

In going over the last exam - I had asked what a stereotypical business person looked like - testing vocabulary.  I share that someone had wrote that a stereotypical business person wore smokin'.  Two boys said, "I wrote that!" To which I responded,
"Yes, come to think of it - it is very odd that you made the same verb  and word mistake, used and spelled the same word wrong, and you were sitting next to each other.... did you copy?"
Both boys shook their heads.
And I let it go.  Both kids were good kids, and even if they did copy, it didn't help either of them - and it was only one questionable copy.

Apparently, the one boy went home and their was a big fight at home - I'm not sure if it was because of his low exam scores or really because of the conversation - but it came back to me that he was now entirely demotivated because of my behaviors.

I really did feel bad - I didn't need to take the responsibility for this, but then again - as his teacher, I should have intervened more after the last exam.  The tutor's words were mean and she was probably fearful about losing her job (because she is responsible for these scores as well), but with everybody working so hard - why was he failing?

Mother's Day

They told me to stay in bed - but it's impossible to stay in bed with three small ones - especially with Tuana.  I was up, nursing her, changing diapers, turning on the light in the bathroom, getting water - but then I went back to bed to grade papers.  (After Tuana climbed over me for awhile).  They brought me a box - a present for Mother's Day - summer sandals and just right.

The kids and Tolga prepared breakfast too.  I don't know why - but we haven't done this kind of morning in Mother's Days past.  Probably because we sent somewhere, or we were both too tired - I'm not sure.  But this one was perfect.  I graded with coffee in my bed, and after sometime - I began to smell... bacon.

I knew Tolga was making pancakes, but the bacon was a surprise.  So were the blueberries in the pancakes (also, hard to find), and the orange juice.  Teoman led me out with my eyes close, and Tomris spread her arms out and shouted, "Bacon!!"  It was really cute.

Teoman asked if he could have a present for Mother's Day too.  We hadn't planned on it - but in the end, we went to the mall, I waited in the car, and Teoman and Tolga came out with a new bike for Teoman.  The weather was perfect and we went to a park where the kids could zoom around on their bikes while we trailed behind.

weekend routine

Our Saturday routine has given a glimpse into future activities.

Army base for soccer, errands, music class.

Teoman loves his uniform, Tomris loves the park.  Tuana loves the grass, the balls ... everything.  It was great game.  We haven't played soccer with Teoman much, actually.  But his observant personality it coming out in the game - he watches the play and stops the breakaway players because he tracks it so well.  That is, when he's not spacing out or kicking it into his own goal.

Five year old soccer matches are like a bunch of Dodo birds waddling around the field in the pack.  The coach blows the whistle and they all stop, heads turning, eyes blinking and expectant.  Than theirs a toot, and they do it all do it again.  Waddle, waddle, toot! heads turn, blink blink, toot!

We went out for burgers afterwards - it was beautiful weather and a quiet place where we ate.  In the late afternoon we walked down to their music class.  The music class is a family activity - where parents sit with their 0-5 year olds and listen, clap, march and play a whole variety of musical rattles, bells, drums, and other creative items the music instructor has brought for the day.

It's perfect family time.

how to celebrate a book

We just finished a book about pirates.  My reading group struggled with the book - the vocabulary was tough, but the storyline was cute and engaging.  I work with four other English teachers in the fifth grade -  One came dressed as a pirate.  One made cupcakes with pirate character flags she stuck in the top.  One bought fancy cupcake.

They all planned parties.
I didn't.  I usually don't do parties or free time.  I don't know - I think its my obsession with not wasting a minute.

My students had trouble with the book and the big picture.  So Thursday I broke them up into pairs and assigned them each to a story part - 9 parts in total - and write a short paragraph about their part.

Friday, I assigned a cameraman, editor, second cameraman, and I had posed questions to the group - all had to respond on a piece of paper or document, and I chose best answers to each question.

So the film when like this:
Opening music and pan of pirate ship (I had made it, cut it out, and eve added billowing sails).  The ship was populated with my student's faces - they had all done the "Make me a Pirate" app.  The next scene was the story plot chart and a series of clips showing the pictures students had drawn with their voiceovers explaining the scene.  The end was the cameraman asking 3-5 students in a group: What was your favorite part? What do you think the next book will be about?  and What questions do you have for the author?

For the concluding bit - I lined the kids up on the wall - the ones that hadn't had a chance to share - and asked "What do you want to be when you grow up?'  (The main character - all she wanted to be, her life dream, was a pirate).

After class, I edit the audio levels and put titles to identify students - and share the 8 1/2 minute movie with the students and parents.

Much more lasting than cupcakes.

adventure stories

Our last unit we worked on writing adventure stories with 10 year olds.  The project - like all our projects this year - fun and possibly distracting tech goal, a little too wide in scope, impressive on the cover, not necessarily on the content.

In my 5th grader's Choose-Your-Own Adventure project there were multiple plot lines with multiple endings - but here are some one-sentence summaries:

The girl who was going to kill her mom because she didn’t buy her shoes

The man who got ate by a monster on the way to get baby food at the market, but he climbed out

The “bully” who set people’s houses on fire and tried to kill people.

The magical and powerful Ice Staff that is owned by fairies but powered by people’s eyeballs.  

The “town phone” - where the whole town answers the phone call, like some sort of mega-speaker.

Icecream then a creature that blast and has regrowing hands
The school with the troubled class called "Buttercups".  They went on a camping trip and most of the adventure had to do with their bags - should we pack them or not?  Who should carry the bags?

not bound to culture or nation

There is a certain stress that comes with living in a different country.  It has nothing to do with liking or not liking the place.  It's the air, the cars, the laws, the interactions, the signs, the stores, the schools, the home.  It's the fact that light switches are outside the bathrooms instead of inside the bathrooms.  Bomb checks at shopping mall parking garages being routine.  It's small markets, gated communities, broken sidewalks, gypsies and refugees.  It's what makes the place exciting and it's what builds some stress inside.

I didn't realize this right away.  I started noticing it when I made American friends, how I felt relaxed - I hadn't realized how hard I worked to be understood. I realized it when I visited America.  I thought it was my parents couch - but its more than that - it's knowing what to expect, I suppose.  Knowing that the park won't have glass or stray dogs in it.  Knowing the stuff on the shelves in the supermarket.  It's eating oatmeal and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with my pops, and my mom driving to shopping malls and her hair dresser.

I don't mind it, but it has made me 1) appreciate the stress my husband lived under in America, even more, and 2) have a lot of empathy for foreigners in America, and why we congregate near to "our kind".

I have a friend moving to America soon - and her excitement seems to be revealing lots of repressed desires to be home and her eagerness to leave here.  I'm trying to concious about aknowledging my own tensions - but I've always known this is part of how I've been made - with the grace to be able to be far away but not feel far away.  I'm sure this is how God intended it - that we identify with Christ, not with a nation, family, color, etc.  That He fills this need to be loved and belong.  That this understanding is what frees us from longings that don't actually fulfill our needs.  I am aware of this.
But not because I'm a big person, but rather because I know I am loved.  At home and here.

I just don't want to take this for granted.

why would I drive slow?

When I first moved here and I tried to cross Turan Gunes, I would glare at the cars whizzing by - waiting, expectantly for them to slow down and allow me to cross.  My New York bit, kept my eyes open and head on a swivel, but my New Jersey bit carried this expectation that the pedestrian had the right away, and this self-righteous claim was shield enough when eyeing down an aggressive driver.  I mean, it's a hard one to break coming from small towns where traffic is required to stop at crosswalks, where pedestrians have the right away, and where the law comes down harshly on anyone who doesn't adhere.

Driving too, I would tsk and shake my head at them for making a left turn from right lane.  Backing up on a highway for a missed exit.  Running red lights.  Going the wrong way.  Speeding and flashing lights.  Weaving in and out of traffic.  And so on.

My friend told me early on to let go of these expectations because you'll only get frustrated and mad. It was good advice.  This is also why Turkish drivers are pretty good - they expect anything to happen on the road.

But I don't expect, anymore pedestrians to have the right of way.  In fact, visiting Minnesota last summer I almost hit one.  The man sauntered right off the sidewalk into the street, looking neither left nor right - and he told me off about it too.

This morning, and almost every morning, I see American administrators outside waving at parents driving into the circle to drop off their children.  And every morning they wave, say good morning, and tell me how crazy Turkish drivers are, how they almost go hit, how fast they drive.

This morning, I watched the man jump in front of a car and dramatical motion and scream for the driver to slow down.
I can imagine the parents shock that a) he was being yelled at and b) at the idea of going too fast (because its all relative, I guess).
I have to say - it was the Americans that looked ridiculous.  I mean, even the police don't bother - so why would an American principal?  And what is too fast?  There is no speed limit posted (not that it would matter), there is no one monitoring anywhere else.  What exactly do they expect?  Yes, it's crazy, yet it's dangerous, but it's their expectation that is out of place here.

shirts and shoes

Teoman wore his Spiderman t-shirt today and his new soccer cleats.  His Spiderman t-shirt has a hood that zips closed over his head like a mask.

His shoes he changes to indoor shoes for classes, so the cleats weren't a problem. The mask was a problem though.  He wore it recess outside, and zipped the mask closed to impress his friends and play superheroes.  The zipper broke so he couldn't undo the mask.  Teoman told me his friends laughed, and he was giggling when he told the story as well.  (However, it took three tries to get this story straight, because he skipped the part where the zipper was stuck and just kept telling me it was so funny he had to change).

"What about your shoes?  Were your friends so impressed with your soccer shoes too?"
"I don't love them.  I love you. And I love my whole family."

I don't know where he comes up with these lines.

snuggles

Tuana is my snuggler.  At music class she was crawling over to the different parents and throwing herself in their lap - burrowing her head and laying down comfortably.

When I nap with her, she lays next to me.  She asks for milk, and sometimes gets up - not ready to sleep.  She crawls around the bed and comes back to me, throwing her heavy head on my belly, or laying by me, tossing and turning some.  Looking at me and smiling.  

Her latest check in is while we are at the dinner table or sitting on the couch, she’ll come over to me and lift up my shirt so she can rest her cheek on my belly, skin to skin.  She doesn’t even need me to pick her up.  She’s okay with standing next to me, her cheek resting there.  

Even in the night times, half of the time, all I have to do is read my hand through the crib and she’ll dive down to her belly, making sure to sleep right on my hand.  It is enough for her.  

extravagant gifts

I have an iPhone 5 and I owned it for a year or so, then it was replaced by Apple last summer because of the battery.  Because they replaced it in America - when I came to Turkey I had to register the phone and pay a tax.  Today my phone stopped working, because, we learned, the tax law has changed and we have to re-register and pay the fee every 6 months.  

Tolga told me it was bad news and good news - with a little bit of excitement in his eyes.  

“I’ve decided we just need to get you a new phone, and I’ve decided the 7plus with 128 GB memory.  

That’s my extreme husband.  He loves to spoil.  The phones are very expensive here, there are no free phones with plans, and so what he was proposing was going to have to on the credit card - I talked us down to a lower phone with lower memory, but we didn’t have a lot of options because my husband is Mr. Instant so I ended up with a pink phone.  

Tomris really likes it.

prayers for hurting

A friend of mine at school is 44 years old and at a stage in her life where she wants to take action on something she’s always wanted - a family.  She hasn’t found a partner, she hasn’t become pregnant (but would like to), she is more than happy to adopt.  Her goal is a family.  We’ve been talking about it off and on and today she was near tears in telling me about it, the cost, the risk, the worries:

“I just want it so bad.”

“Have you ever tried asking God for it?”

“I have had friends ask for me.  You’re more than welcome to.”

“Sure, but have you ever done it?  It’s kind of the whole point of prayer, to give it up a little bit, to ask for help in something you can’t achieve on your own.”

“But religion has always let me down.”

And we both got quiet with tears in our eyes.  

After school, I took the kids down the road to a neighbor’s house.  They had invited me and the kids over - and had told us not to eat.  The neighbor was a parent of a student I taught in 2010.  The twins were in the same class.  Last year, at 16 years old, the boy died under suspicious circumstances - and it was a year this past month.  They had been on my mind at the year anniversary and I had called them to send my thoughts.  They had a young puppy that barked in fear of Tomris while Tomris screamed and cried in fear of the pup.  Throughout the night, they got used to each other.  The pup was put away and came out calmer, and Tomris got brave and swing quickly from bravery to scrambling up me like a tree.  

I don’t know exactly what I was seeing nor even hearing sometimes.  Eda looked beautiful and doing well.  The mom was serving us with distant looks sometimes, not always making sense.  I don’t know if it was grief, drugs, or just her personality.  I wondered if the daughter got tired of hearing her mom talk about the incident, tired of the sadness.  When the wife offered her husband tea, and he stood up saying he could get it himself - I wondered if the husband and wife had lost each other or found each other.

“Murderers,” the mother told me.  “In three or four months, it will all come out.  Everything they did to my son.”

“It is so terrible.  I’m very sorry for it all.”  

conversations with the innocent

I stayed after school today, for a short time, so Teoman could play on the playground.  There was a section on the playground that had musical instruments built in - xylophone type bells, drums, cymbals - kids just need to find a stick to play them.  Teoman was wearing his blue and gold Fenerbahce uniform today (because his teacher had told them the day before they HAVE TO wear t-shirts and shorts form now on  - actually, It’s not warm enough in the mornings for shorts, but pre-schooler interpretation of the commands…).  Another boy was there wearing a red and orange Galatasary uniform - the arch enemy of Fenerbahce fans.  The boy looked at  year or two older than Teoman, and he began speaking to him in Turkish,

“Are you a Fenerbahce fan?”
“Yes, they are the biggest team and they always win.”

Let me interrupt this conversation to say Teoman’s baba would be proud.  Teoman had some friends talking to him about other teams at school, and Tolga has been working hard at indoctrinating Teoman to see Fenerbahce as the only team.  

(Other boy).  “They always win?  I didn’t know that.  I used to be Fenerbahce, then I was Besiktas, and now I am Galatasary.  Sometimes they win.”

“Yeah.”

“Everybody wins.”

“I like the colors blue and yellow.”

“Me too.  And l like that.  It says Coca-cola.  But it’s not healthy for you.”
“Yeah.  Only big people can drink it sometimes.”

“Yeah.”

prayers from the innocent

Most every night Teoman asks that Tolga or I pray to God that he has good dreams.  Our dear sensitive boy.  And so, I pray - thanking God for the day and all the beautiful things, inviting the Holy Spirit into our home and hearts, praying for Baba in the field, and asking for big angels around Teoman, Tomris, and Tuana - especially as they sleep.  I pray for visions of heaven, for relationship with Jesus, for them to experience the joy, peace, and comfort that comes with this relationship.  

Gokhan was gone to Istanbul for aa couple of days, so Tomris - who is usually by his side during these prayers - was in the bed listening.  Then she asked if she could pray too.

I’ve offered to Teoman, but he usually refuses saying he doesn’t know how.  Tomris surprised me.   I wasn’t expecting it and even thought Teoman told her “No!” I told her to go ahead.  

Her sweet small voice prayed so honestly.  Parroting the lines, or partial lines missing important words, the prayers that I make for them in the evening.

It was so beautiful.

back to the work week

Tolga headed out to the field this morning, Teoman and I back to school, and Tomris and Tuana were home with the nanny.  Teoman came home from school happier.  He had had about a week off between the testing and holiday days - and he was rested and calmer.  The school days had been getting to long for him, but he seemed refreshed.

first steps

Teoman came down the stairs with a smile on his face.  This is not how he usually wakes up, but he knew where he was and who was all there - the great family and friends sleepover.  It was 7am I guess, and he wanted to go in and look in Mina’s cabin windows to see if they were awake.  I got the kids dressed and we went to the terrace and picnic tables outside and my friend was at her door in her pajamas having the exact same conversation with Mina about waiting for others to wake up before she came down.  I motioned her down to us.  

We packed up, already regretting we only had reserved a day - but we were not being rushed out the door.  We hung out in the Adirondak chairs, drinking tea while Teoman and Tomris ran around mosltly free, and Tuana crawled everywhere.  

And Tuana took her first steps.  I’m not sure what inspired it - I guess I saw her take one so I held her across from Tolga and she seemed to take her cue - smiling her big four-toothed grin, hands in the air, and toddling along to awaiting arms.  There, she put her head on Tolga, hugging him, then spun around ready to perform again - whether she had her balance or not, so we juggling holding her and releasing her at the right timing.