Today I had a parent call me about her daughter. When it comes to teaching, this is my weakest aspect - not interacting with parents, but I avoid them. It comes form my years in Brooklyn, where my first attempts at being a good teacher, following up with students to teach responsibility, show them I cared, and so forth --- backfired. When my first parent rejected what I was saying and began cussing at me on the phone and throwing accusations like her daughter, I never picked up the phone again without considering the consequence of parent contact.
I don't blame these parents, I feel for them. What parent doesn't want the best for his or her child? They beg for help or cuss you out, they ask for your opinion or give you theirs. They are too hard on their child or too lax. They all are vulnerable because their most precious thing is the topic, and no one has the right answers or knows what to do to make this thing called raising-a-child, work.
But, I don't really want to be part of it. I have my suggestions and my beliefs, but I'm not so sure they are that important or right, or even matter - because I am not that involved in their lives, and I'm not sure I should have so much say. In fact, I'm trying to stay at a superficial level in order to not be burned out.
I'm not sure if its wisdom or self-proteciton.
This parent who called me today was also a teacher at my school - we worked together several years ago in the primary school. We are the same age, and obviously, her daughter is in my class. I don't have a strong opinion about this woman - she works hard, she's quite conservative in the fact that she doesn't smoke, she fasts on the holidays, her neck is really straight, and she's also into the spiritual - Raki, or whatever it is. Anyhow, we were never close - her personality maybe is this way: reserved, cold, friendly, but closed.
Our conversation went something like this:
P: Rachel, I wanted to talk to you about Zeynep.
Me: Sure, I've wanted to speak to you too - sorry it hasn't been sooner.
P: Zeynep is not happy in your class anymore. She dreads coming to your class.
Me: Oh no, that's not good.
P: She really hates the days she has lessons with you, and its been our topic of conversation for the last month or so. She said that you told her her English is terrible.
Me: That doesn't sound like something I would ever say. (Or think!)
P: I was surprised to - she said that you don't give her chance to speak, that she doesn't always understand what is going on, and you said... (I can't remember, more mean things I guess).
Me: There are two things going on here - one, I feel terrible that your daughter is not enjoying the lessons anymore and that she believes her English is horrible. I always encourage students to try, mistakes or inability to say something is not a problem for me. The second thing, is related to your daughters work. She hasn't been doing it.
P: That doesn't sound like her, she always does her work!
Me: (sigh) Let me check my records. I assigned on December 9th, she was unprepared for two lessons and did it the third. Her booklet she never gave to me.
P: What? Why haven't you told me? Why didn't you call me or email me?
I think this was the part were I got angry and let loose a bit - in spite of being on phone, in a room full of teachers who very well knew who I was speaking to. I spoke quietly, but with a hard voice.
Me: You know very well I have over 200 students. Zeynep is not the only person missing something. You also know these marks don't count and when I do pursue students and involve principals or parents it creates more problems for me especially when I'm getting my feet taken out from under me. I have 11 classes, each with a handful of students missing something. I do what I can, I put examples and extras on Edmodo, and I sent Zeynep home last week with a "make-up" assignment that also asked for a parent signature.
P: So she has to do a make-up and the booklet?
I have a really extensive system that maybe is ridiculous because none of what I do is counted. But, I do try to be fair, teach responsibility, while preserving myself by keeping the fine line of supporting students that need it, but not demanding it so much (like in the past where I was giving up my lunch to "teach responsibility", (another sigh)).
The other teacher and I ended the conversation, somewhat agreeably - where I would be more sensitive to her daughter and more demanding at the same time. I hung up and was well aware of my colleagues trying not look at me and conversation so usually stopping. I didn't care, I was determined not to gossip. I hate gossip - and everything that comes of it. Of course I'm tempted, but I'm trying to bring back my filter and stop dumping on everyone.
I sat down at my computer - ready to start my photo project with my backups on my iPad - I finally came to accept that these were more than enough photos - I must have had 80% of my recent photos backed up there.
Wrong.
I opened up my photos, and I think it synced with my computer, or maybe Teoman pushed a button the other day when he was looking at them - and they were gone. Only 238 photos and videos were left. Out of THOUSANDS.
This put me over the edge. I started to cry. I couldn't help it. Others tried to help me fix my computer program, and I accepted their help knowing it was useless. It was like last spring - this opened up the floodgates and I couldn't stop those hot tears from coming. The more I thought about it, the more they came. The more people tried to help, the more alone I felt.
I mean I screwed up. I really screwed up. Twice. I've screwed up a lot in my life, costly mistakes (and the catalogue went through my head) - and here was another one that I was paying the price for.
And this parent and colleague was upset with me because I screwed up there too. She wasn't wrong. She was hurtful, but this wasn't the first parent who claimed I had said something mean, or been insensitive, and so on. Unfortunately, I'm not that kind of teacher that's all songs, games, and roses. But it's devastating to see this flaw in myself that causes kids to be afraid, or not want to be in my class, or hate English, and so on. That's never the kind of teacher I wanted to be. I wanted to teach responsibility, but instead I'm coming off as a tyrant destroying 10 year olds dreams?
They were mistakes I made today, but they feel so much worse.
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