My colleague with dysentery came back today. I drew a line down our shared table and told him not to cross the line.
I was joking. Sort of.
My Wednesday classes are a nice spread of breaks in between classes. The book I am teaching is enjoyable and I only gave two lectures today on responsibility. I have one class (there's always one) that is a strange spread of personalities and abilities. None of the students are bad, but when they are together, they are constantly pushing the limit. Today, I was a little clearer in my head, and I singled out those that were setting the tone that the others seemed to follow and it may just have worked. You have to be on top of your game with tough classes: strategic with your words, directions, praises and corrections. You have forty minutes and only one shot. If a class starts going downhill, it is the teacher's job to stop the slide - but it's usually the teacher only joins the snowball effect. "Stop it." "Sit down." "Speak English." "Where's your notebook?" "Start writing." Those are the kind of commands that fall on deaf ears, the directions need to be much more sometimes. Not in words, but in meaning and effect.
I started class and five were in the back yelling out the window. I didn't mind this, they were kids after all. I announced class was starting, come to your desks, and one boy looked at me and continued yelling out the window. Two didn't hear me, the others sat down. The boy wasn't defiant, he just wasn't finished yelling. He closed the window, took another look past the curtain, and slowly ambled back to his desk.
I was hard one him, anyhow - I stopped and lectured about what a respectful and disrespectful response looks like. I really don't believe the boy meant it this way, but I wanted him to take the classroom and teacher more seriously than casually because it is a part of Turkish culture. When a teacher enters the room, the students stand by their desks, silently, and wait for the teacher to greet them. I laid into one more student a few moments later - I started a warm-up activity which was a song. I encouraged the class to sing along, and one student started dancing. I would have let this pass as well if he could sing too, but he wasn't looking at the words or understanding the meaning. He was only trying to entertain those at his group - and now they too were missing the point of the video.
So, my overarching point here is this: how do I sound? I am not a fake smile, sweet, darling kind of teacher. I'm a get-your-job-done, do-your-best, work-hard, make-mistakes-and-learn-from them kind of teacher. No nonsense. No wasting time. Every activity, game, song, video, etc. has a purpose and connection to my objective of the day. I love teaching, I love kids, but it doesn't mean I'm soft.
But it is also part of Turkish culture, it seems (or maybe private school culture), to baby students. You can see my opinion on that topic by my description of it. As a parent, or one on one, I will be quite sensitive and forgiving - as a teacher, excuses and enabling excuses I see as a big handicap to learning. I understand excuses - but my bottom line is - did you do your job? No, how are you going to fix it?
I don't mind kids coming in late, I don't mind them forgetting their materials or assignments, as long as they fix it. But kids are kids, and it often takes consequences or stronger incentives for a mistsing item to corrected. I have not found the best way, and I've tried many ways: rewards and punishments. My mind is on the topic because another American colleague was complaining to me today about his performance review. He was told his strengths and areas the need to be improved. The markings on the review are only not acceptable, average, and needs work. He was told he shouldn't get angry, slam books on his desk or throw glue at students.
His answer: how do you throw glue? Apparently he had thrown a marker, but it had been all "straightened out" except for the fact that it was being brought up again during his performance review. He said, "I'm American. I come from a different culture, I will teach in a different way that they aren't always used to."
My tendency when I hear a criticism is to take it, consider it, and apply - even if it's a wild accusation, I do believe you can find ten percent to be applied. But I like his response too. It was unapologetic and standing firm by his own teaching style (which I also didn't agree with, but that's another issue). You don't leave reviews here feeling good about yourself - most leave afraid for their jobs, and I do not want to live that way. I don't want to be constantly defending my actions either. In the past, I could keep my mouth shut and eventually, my actions would speak for themselves. But here, with this added variable of a language barrier - I'm not so confident in justice or vindication. I'm afraid I'm becoming more Turkish - submissive, yes-man, and conflict avoider.
I'm looking for a middle ground. There are many things I've learned from the Turkish style of teaching, somethings I want myself to adapt to more, but somethings I need to stay true to myself on as well.
The thing is - I'm always asking myself, I'm I doing what's right for the kids? And no one can truly say what the "right" way is...
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