presenting...me!

I think I'm really bad at interviews.  I'm not sure why - false pride, slow wit - it could be anything.  I really wish I could get feedback from someone - but I realized after hearing my sister talk the other day about someone who interviewed badly, that I'm not sure I'd have the courage to ask.  Of course, it could be some simple reason like they wanted someone younger/older/with this experience/with that degree, or more frighteningly - it could be because of some personal flaw, something I don't know, never saw - and once my interviewer pointed it out - it would inflate and encompass my whole vision, embarrassing, shaming, and shadowing all interviews from that point forward.

Unlikely, I know, but that's just how skewed my perception can get when left to its own devices.

I think I interviewed badly because I don't sell myself.  I believe in myself, sort of, but I'm not good at selling myself.  Part of it is my Scandinavian/Peterson side that has routinely over the years not dwelled on successes or touted them for others, so much so that I hardly recognize successes as much more than me doing my job.  Not to mention, I feel quite shy about showing what I've done - partially because I'm not always confident as to whether I've done something so educationally sound that it should be shared with all, partially because I know only some things I do are good, while some things I do are bad which makes me feel like a fraud, and partially because - well, no one seems to really care about what I've done.

And then I read two recommendation letters from previous co-workers.  I'm almost just embarrassed at my inability to see myself correctly as my inability to interview.

I expect certain things from myself - and I know that I can be flexible, teachable, hard working, committed, a team player, and diplomatic -  but I kind of forget to mention those things.  I forgot to mention how I tackled new challenges willingly, how I enjoy looking for new material to motivate my students, how organized I am with data with all of my students organized into charts and comparative tables - something I made just to try it.  How I have a locker with files A-K to each class section.  How I have created the curriculum to coincide three different curriculum changes - complete with lesson plans, powerpoint, worksheets, quizzes, exams, PDFs, and interactive kinesthetic activities.

Instead, when they asked me "Do you use technology in the classroom?"  I said, Yes I do.  I use a computer.  I turn it on.  I create things to go with the lesson and show it not the Smartboard.

I gotta start seeing myself rightly.