summered-out?

I hold a lot of expectations to myself, some mild, some for fun, some severe.  I said to my father the other day,

“It’s exhausting keeping up all my expectations on things.”  He laughed because he knew.  I know he knew.

Tolga, on the other hand, doesn’t know.  He’s wonderfully accepting of everyone and everything and quite logically concludes that if I’d just relax and accept people, I’d be happier.  

Of course he’s right - but why isn’t that easy?  

And for that matter, I know every woman would agree with me that that is the most annoying and unhelpful husband-thing to say.  

Sigh.  

Tolga came yesterday late afternoon by bus from Balikisar - a few hours away.  We only have a few days left here, and went together all to the beach today, played in the sand, ate ice cream - the usual but all together.

Summer is Tolga's busiest time for his work - going to the field for exploration, and later for drilling - and it's also his hardest time emotionally.  They are long hot days in the field, away from his family - as hard as it is for us.  All on vacation, but without Baba.

It's always better when he's here, and this summer we've needed him so much - but it's not easy, the summer has been full of stress.

We went for a walk.  Tomris wanted Tolga to carry her on his shoulders.  He did, then I he got tired and mad.  It was such a predictable order of events.  He feels bad for being gone, he does something he doesn’t want to do, he gets mad.  

Tonight, putting the kids to bed Tolga took a shower.  The kids fought over making the blankets perfect.  At first it was mostly Tomris crying that the blanket wasn’t straight, that she couldn't do it.  Then Teoman helped her, but not right, then they lost patience with each other and there was screaming and crying and fighting.  Tolga came in finally (I was nursing Tuana to sleep and only inserting threats about the consequences of hitting).  Tolga didn't make things better.  He tried, he sat with them, tried to be reasonable - but they, especially Teoman, where beyond reason.  Teoman screamed out of frustration.  And in the end, very predictably - Tolga lost it too - getting angry, shouting and taking everyone’s blankets away (because underneath all of the other stuff going on, that’s what they were still fighting about).  

Happy together again.  (Blows sigh).