I feel torn these days between sharing too much and not sharing enough.
There is a part of me that is desparate and so I blurt all, share all, and filter little. I usually regret it. I am constantly meeting new people, new teachers, new staff . . . and so each day is the same conversation with a different group of people. Inevitably, I begin volunteering my opinion for some reason - and I began spouting an educational philosophy that I haven't really thought all the way through, nor do I really care enough to make a platform about. Then I feel regret for having opened my big mouth.
Like today. A teacher came in to teach the class I was subbing. I'm not sure why, but there he was teaching with the Smartboard a great lesson. His wife worked at the school, and his three children used to attend the K-12 school, but opted this year to switch to regular elementary schools.
He came in a bit wild, hyped up on coffee, but by the end of two periods he had lost quite a bit of pep. It was a good lesson, but the students didn't respond well, maybe because it was too hard for them. Anyhow, he asked me about the different schools I had been teaching and what I thought of the different districts, and I told him and my words sounded pretty hollow as I explained how I enjoyed the diversity of city schools, how they pushed the limits and suburbia was boring because kids did what they were told and stayed within the norm. He asked me what I meant, and I couldn't really say more.
Then, other times, I wish I would have said more. Shared more. Showed more of who I was rather than the standard answer.
None of it feels really honest, and this makes me nervous. I feel myself wall up around people, not wanting to show anymore. To keep what I have left to myself.
Whatever that is.
Oh no, I've said too much.
I haven't said enough.
Maybe there is a lot to say for your writing maybe nothing, maybes are confusing. You are the best
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