softened over the years

I know there are many things that people grow hardened to over the years - television, news, games, doctors of traumas, teachers of students, the fear new moms experience, and so on.  It's a survival mechanism - because to feel, to feel things deeply, always, can be debilitating.  

But, I think I'm the opposite.  I was built in reverse.

When I started out driving ambulance - I took care of and assisted the injured or ill.  I hated the ambulance jokes people made - people, in their misery, still make me want to cry.
Or gag.
It didn't bother me in the beginning.  But by the end of my 5 year stint there were times I carried a barf tray along with the patient.
I took empathy to whole new level.

Teaching - when I began, I was stoic.  I barely showed a reaction.  I felt a great deal, but I iced myself out from the students.  I kept an emotional distance in a sense.  I'm not sure why.  And as the years go on, I'm getting better at seeing individuals.  And I see enough, to know I hardly see anything.

Even as a mother - my first opened my eyes to so many experiences.  My third has only made me cherish these moments more.  I am more sensitive.

I never dreamed of being married or having children.  They were ideas I assumed I would experience - and since I have, it's like the dream was awakened and grows every year.  I sigh when I see wedding dresses and babies.

This is the way I'd prefer to keep it, softer, not hardened.