okay fine, I'm back

I live many lives today.  But I'll only relive the one before bed.

I had FaceTime on and had set my iPad up so my parents could watch and talk to Tuana.  Tuana was in quite the mood, chatting to them, showing them things, giggling and seemingly alternating between playing and being coy.

She had pulled my hand and led me over to the cabinet, pointing at the play-dough.  I pulled the box down and she was busy.  She soon brought the canister over to me, saying, "Help."  She knows that word well.  As do I - and so I immediately understood and opened it up for her.

I went to get the shower ready for Teoman and Tomris, and Tuana called after me.  "Mama!"  She came and found me, took my hand, and led me back to the table - pointing to the chair I had been sitting in - directing me to join her once again.

I smiled, and paused for only a moment before running away to finish getting the kids in the shower and grab a broom for the kitchen.  Tuana was squawking after me.  I sat down and we cleaned it up together and she handed me the box.

I don't know where she got this in her head, but she went over to the freezer next, found the ice cream, and said to me, "Die deem!"
"No sweetheart-"
(scream)
"-you already had a treat."
(Scream.  fight with door.)  I left her to her tantrum and came back.  She was not giving up on the ice cream.  I repeated it to her several times, and she just got madder.

I gave in.  I gave in because I figure she's still too young to know what she's doing, and she's too tired or frustrated with language to express it.  I put some in a bowl for her.  She was sitting at the table and I gave her the bowl and she threw it.  The chair wasn't right, the table wasn't right, the bowl and the ice cream weren't quite right.  She pushed her chair down.

Nuclear meltdown.

Tuana is 19 months old and when she gets mad, we all know.  And when she loses it, she has a hard time recovering.  I don't know why, I'm not sure the trigger ... but I know the feeling because I'm afraid sometimes that I too never developed emotionally beyond, apparently, a 19 month old - because I'm pretty sure I had a similar tantrum today.

sigh.