My MIL and I came back to Ankara on a Wednesday. We took the day bus and it was terrible. Teoman has passed the stage where he sleeps through everything, and he is awake longer periods during the daytime, so things started off great, but deteriorated when he got tired. I was also trying to breastfeed him on the bus . . . which was awkward and still difficult with my injured shoulder. He has grunting out of frustration and kicking. In all, he probably only actually cried about 45 minutes, but it felt like all day.
To make matters worse, my MIL kept offering to take him. She meant well, but who takes a crying baby from his mother? Did she think I was a bad mother? Did she think she should be the one to comfort and soothe my son???
Actually, this is far from my MIL's intentions - rationally I knew this, rationally, I really did need her help. However, my emotions have been out-of-control of late and it all has to do with having to go back to work. Dislocating my shoulder gave me an extension on my maternity leave. I thought it would help, but instead, I could only focus on how it separated me from Teoman. I realized I was going slightly crazy, so I had forced myself out of the house - leaving Teoman with my mother-in-law. I would be okay for about an hour, but then I'd start to feel on edge, borderline panic attack. I'd rush home and find that my MIL had done EVERYTHING wrong. Diapers were on the floor, outfits had been changed, he had been fed even though it wasn't time, and to top it all off, she was obnoxiously hovering over him swatting flies saying, "Bitanim benin! Olum? Nerede sin?" (My bright, my son, where are you?)
He's MINE!
I don't know where this crazy came from, but I could see it. And, the more I tried to temper it with reason and practice, the worse I seemed to get.
We went to the doctor on Friday for my shoulder check-up and he wrote a 15-day extension on my medical leave.
At this point I think we could call it a mental leave.
No comments:
Post a Comment