back to work

I went back to work with only 2 weeks left at school.  The first person I saw asked me,  "Why are you here?"

I don't know.

I didn't want to be there, but there I was and the only thing on my mind was where, when and how many times I would pump milk.

I had heard I'd been switched to the middle school, and since new teachers had taken my old desk - I wasn't sure where to go.  So I sat in the department head's office and drank tea and showed pictures of Teoman.

I sat down and was asked questions about the baby.  I must have been overwhelmed, or maybe its from being away from English speakers so long, or maybe being around the baby all the time - whatever it was, I was having a hard time holding a conversation.  I was out of social practice and I kept forgetting what I was talking about.

I was quickly excused for my brainlessness ("You're mind is on your little one now!"), and  I was told over and over how thin I looked.

Now that was a flat out lie.  Granted - 9 months pregnant and you begin holding water weight even in  your cheeks, but I was far from normal.  But, I appreciated the lies and chose to believe them.  Maybe it's my shirt that's hiding the pouch - maybe its not that noticeable and I was just being over critical of my body.  Maybe I'm actually thin - woo woo!


Eventually, I had another teacher show me where the middle school office was because I didn't know where to go.  I had already been given a hard time in the primary school office for moving to the middle school and I was almost regretting the decision.  My solace was that there would be at least four or five people that had made the switch with me.  And, I was kind of tired of all the Native teacher drama in the primary school, so in the other building there would be only one Scottish Native teacher.

But it wasn't a good start.  They had no desk for me, no locker, no place to sit.  And the Scottish teacher turned out to be a real downer.

Most my time was spent in the counseling office - the only room I could lock the door and work on double pumping my milk.