Some people can pop it right back in. I'm just not one of them. In Lethal Weapon, Mel Gibson pops his shoulder out as a party trick, then slams it back in. I can't do that either. Some people go to the hospital and doctors can pop it right back in. But for me, the way it goes back in, isn't easy. In fact, I can think of a lot of things I would prefer over this experience: getting shot, a bat to the shins, delivering a baby - bring it on. But this is my thorn in my side.
Tolga dressed me and brought me to the hospital - I had on my dress shoes, red sweatpants, a blue satin night shirt, and dripping wet snarly hair.
We went to a private hospital that was empty and quiet, until I arrived. The first step to putting the shoulder back in place is to relax. I wish I could say I found my Zen-like place or that I was stoic, but I wasn't. I was a tightly wound ball of pain and fear, hunched over, twisted, clutching my arm with every muscle taut and contracted in pain and in spasms.
Some people faint from pain - I've almost fainted from pain. But not this kind of pain, maybe its the adrenaline, or nerves being hit, of that fight-or-flight instinct that all combine and seem to make pain medicines impotent. And, if the pain medicines don't work, my muscles don't relax. If my muscles don't relax, my shoulder seems to lock the bone out of place. But that doesn't stop some doctors.
Orthopedists are usually men. Jocks that try to out-muscle me. They slung a sheet under my arm to pull in one direction, and the doctor took my hand to pull in another direction. They have to pull it out farther to get it unlocked, and back into place.
He pulled, and pulled and pulled. He turned my hand out, I screamed. They pinned my legs down. He pulled some more, and kept telling me:
"Just relax!" To which I'm sure my eyes bugged out. I finally spit out:
"I can't!" I wished I could. I was shaking with exhaustion.
"Just relax!" He repeated.
They gave me more medicine and my body was quaking between muscles that wanted to relax but fear and pain that kept everything clenched. They opened the window because we were all sweating and a cold breeze blew through the room. He tried again and I writhed against him.
"Think of Teoman!" He cried out.
NOT HELPING! I screamed in my head.
"I don't think you've done this before!" He said, frustratedly. "Because you would know you have to relax."
"How'boutIpunchyouinthefaceandyourelax!"
. . .Not one of my finer moments . . .
It is a terrible sensation to have so much pressure built up on your bones, and then to have some more pressure to the point where you can only conclude something has to give. Something is going to snap or shatter or tear. The doctor was a pudgy man, and in one last hoo-rah, he lifted his leg awkwardly up, putting his foot in my armpit for counter pressure, throwing all his weight into the pull.
I don't know how much time had passed, but they were not able to give me anymore medication and finally sent me to general anesthesia. I was still taut with pain and crying out off and on. The doctor said defensively,
"I'm not even doing anything!" I was gritting me teeth.
"I know. Not you. Muscles spasming."
"You can relax now, I'm not going to pull anymore."
"Trying to. Can't." Hadn't we already gone over this?
The brought me to the surgery room to knock me out. At that point, I didn't believe anything could knock me out, but next thing I knew he was showing me the X-Ray because apparently I was telling him in my drug induced stupor that I didn't think it worked. I realized while looking at the X-Ray that I was wrapped up in a sling and swath, and they had put it back in. But it sure didn't feel much better.
It was four-in-the-morning and we spent the rest of the night at the hospital to be sure I recovered from the anesthesia. I couldn't sleep because now all I thought about was feeding Teoman. Tolga called home to be sure my father or his brother was awake to warm the milk that I had (thankfully) stored in the freezer.
My father said Teoman woke and drank the whole bottle watching my father with his big half-moon eyes full of love.
And that was all I wanted to get home too.
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