just as we are

Tolga will never make you feel bad about yourself.  I find that an amazing quality.  I make people feel bad about themselves all the time.  I make myself feel bad about myself.

Or maybe I'm just contrasting Tolga with my family.

Not that we are deliberately mean, but I know I don't hesitate to say if I see something wrong, or "be honest" about my opinion on something.  I can be gracious and sensitive at times - ignoring my feelings or sensations for a greater cause . . . but not often enough.

For example - hair grosses me out.  Even my own hair that falls out everywhere when I brush it, and especially other people's hair.  When we were dating, Tolga would return home and find strands of my hair in his suitcase.  I said to him, "Sorry about that."  He replied,
"No.  I love it.  I kissed it and put it in my pocket."

Total acceptance.  Imagine that.

Granted, we were in love - but this is how Tolga lives.  He sees people's mistakes, but will only gently point it out if necessary.  One day, my niece introduced Tolga to her class as her grandpa.  Tolga giggled at her mistake, but didn't correct her because he didn't want to embarrass her in front of her friends.

I find myself tallying people's faults.  I wish I could blame it on hormones, or evil in-laws but Tolga's family is a good family.  This is not a new thing for me, for some odd reason it do it to all people I love most.  I don't do it consciously, but I'm realizing over time I have this list of things I want to change.  I want life/circumstances to improve, bad habits to be broken, and heathy living all around.

I want Baba to stop using salt and sugar and medicines.  I want him to get his ears checked.  I want Anne to learn signs of her own body and health, to stop making things worse for herself.  I wish I could make everybody here learn and practice more hygiene and budgeting.

But then what, after all these things are accomplished - when I have a financially smart household filled with health conscious, clean shaven, freshly showered, cleanly clothed and brushed teeth  - then will I love and accept them like Tolga?  When everybody lives as I see fit?

I see the problem, and I'm hoping to change that too...