Tolga, my parents and I were sitting around this morning having church in the living room - one of the sweet times we've gained from coming home - and my dad was paralleling our experience to the Israelites being led out of Egypt, and because of their unbelief, having to wander the wilderness for 40 years. They didn't know their future and everyday had to rely on God for their manna to appear in the morning. At times the Israelites complained, despite the morning miracle, wondering aloud if they were better off slaves in Egypt where at least they knew their futures.
I used to think the Israelites were lame. What a bunch of whiners and weaklings. God was leading them, providing for them, and promising even greater things and they were a weak ungrateful lot . . . and here I am finding I'm not as different as I thought.
When I left New York I was miserable, and now I keep toying with the idea of returning. Tolga and I decided before our marriage that it was not the best place for us namely because he is a geologist and work there is unlikely, but we also recognized its a hard existence. Slowly I became a slave to my work, and became less a part of the outside world. Work was my master, and I chose it over many things - sometimes even over Tolga it seemed. As as result, I think I did lose my freedom, my creativity, my spirit, my desire - and much sooner than I was ready to admit, I was pretty useless at work as well.
Here, in Minnesota, everything is being provided us - including family. Yet, I still think of the nice steady paycheck I once received, the prestige, the grittiness, and the cool t-shirts (because I'm fickle as well). . . maybe if we go back together we can recover something? Or am I just going back into slavery?
On a practical note - slaves didn't own property in Egypt (I think) as we do in New York, so I'm unsure how we can be released from that Pharaoh.
Plague anyone?
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