A job for my husband and I
Unemployment benefits to come through
Our property manager to actually pay us our money and not just promise to "send it today"
Our apartment to rent and sell all at once
A better tomorrow . . .
I was interviewing for another job today - a job that I will have for an hour a day every day and I will earn fifty dollars a week. What can I say? I didn't want the job, but I guess that doesn't matter any more what I want. I went to the school feeling resentful. It was hard to smile, to feel hope.
I filled out an application and answered questions about my spirituality, my education, my plans for the future, the last five books I read . . . I was in for a lot more than I expected. The director interviewed me as a formality, and we talked a lot. A lot more than I expected.
I heard myself share our story. It's a rich story - the story of my family, my education, my travels, my marriage and our new life - but I only vaguely observed her interest in my story while thinking - what was it all worth when we can't get jobs nor support ourselves?
Then again, is that my end goal? The extent of my five year plan? Money?
When I was asked my strengths and weaknesses, I felt vulnerable and I was tongue-tied on my weaknesses. Where shall I start (besides breaking down into tears right then and there)? My weakness? I'm not content with what I have. I am allowing these many fearful unknowns cloud hope.
I imagine that contentedness, in some aspect, is a choice to trust God. Trials won't end in this lifetime, but the trials are temporary. It is our relationships that are lasting - and when I think of my relationship with my husband, and the chance to live at home again being near my parents and siblings and nephews and niece - these experiences are lasting gifts.
So then, what should I hope for?
No comments:
Post a Comment