writing theory for fifth grade

I'm not sure when I became so un-eloquent.  Maybe it was acquiring a second language I forgot my first.

I was trying to explain why I didn't like 6+1 Writing Traits.
Have you ever taught it before?
Um... yes?  I don't know - they seem to be the obvious conventions of writing that we automatically teach given a Now-Trending title.
What's the problem?
It's so abstract.  What is "voice"?
A paragraph that ranges from "I'm bored" to "Hear me ROAR".
How do I teach that?
You don't have to, they've been practicing since the first grade.
But I have to mark them on it, and I need to explain exactly why their paragraph doesn't "roar" and I'm not so confident I can do that.

Nevermind, on to the next topic.

There are 6+1 traits.  But really, for fifth graders, I am mainly looking at ideas, organization, and a level of grammar.  The other 3+1 (whatever the +1 is) are superfluous at this point, bonuses if the kids can do it - but not my focus.  But organization is only one category on the rubric, and in my mind - organization is at least five categories right there.  This is what the kids need to be able to check off one-by-one - did I learn how to right an intro, topic sentence, supporting details, and conclusion?

Not this massive, theoretical, everybody "knows", perfectly summarized writing traits.

I think I was to go back to working by myself...