ML - Day 4

  I always think I'm going to have the baby early.  This one I've felt for the last few weeks like the baby could come any day.  I still feel like it.  But I was induced with Teoman on his due date, and Tomris came just a couple days early, and neither are indicators of when this girl is coming.

So our nights usually end up with the kids in my bed at some point, and me in the recliner.  Tomris coming and finding me in the morning and telling me "It's time to wake up!" She'll snuggle with me for a bit, then we get up and have breakfast together.

I've been slowly pulling out baby clothes, washing them, and organizing what we need for the hospital and the baby's needs.  I am not ready - but I don't feel nervous - I'm still just doing a little bit each day, and enjoying it.

I took the kids to the park next to our house again today - The park is on a slope with lots of trees and stairs - not so ideal of sledding, but still fun.  Sledding isn't so popular here as is sliding on plastic bags.  The sleds they do sell are over a hundred lire and more like sleighs.  Last year, I had bought a snow tube in America - it packed easy, was $7, and has been great to have for the kids.  But today I was there without the nanny or Gokhan.  I had told the nanny not to come to our house today because of the weather, and Gokhan was running errands.  I regretted going on my own - I'm just not so strong anymore, and Tomris' legs don't last long in a snowsuit and boots.  She cried quite a bit about "falling down" and getting "stuck".   We weren't out long, and starting making our way up the stairs while Teoman and his endless energy climbed the hill.  Tomris didn't want to walk, but I refused to carry her - I couldn't so we battled our way up the stairs.

At the top I couldn't see Teoman and started calling for him.  I couldn't see him or hear him.  He's pretty good at responding when I call with "I'm here!" because we've had this conversation many times.  But it was that horrible feeling of silence, wind and cold all at once.  I called louder with a bit of panic, scanning the park but there were a lot of trees and bushes that could have been blocking my view.  I imagined he was probably laying in the snow somewhere and couldn't here me - but it didn't make me feel better, because I couldn't see him.  I let go of Tomris's hand to get a better view from a different angle and saw him at the top of the park, next the wall just before the sidewalk, waiting for us to go back home.  I was relieved and still a little panicked that he would go over the wall.  But I had no need to worry - Teoman is scared of cars too, and he was waiting, leaning against the wall, singing Angels we have Heard on High - his mouth in an O singing "Gl--oooo--ri---ah"